Aww, crap, not again.

This is ridiculous. I just had a birthday, for crying out loud. I don’t need another one. And when did they start coming bi-monthly?

My dear old grandmother, bless her heart, was never entirely sure what year she was born. Lucky woman. These days we not only know the year, but month, day, time, and weight upon arrival. We’re fingerprinted, footprinted, photographed, certified, and listed as a tax deduction. Birthdays are hard to duck with all that proof. And they’re usually a disappointment, anyway, after you turn thirty or so. At my age, it’s not so much disappointing as it is piling on. Enough already.

After last year’s party, I woke up woozy and bloated in the recliner, buried under a blizzard of Cheetos dust. Why, oh why, do I buy Cheetos in the family size bags? For days I found bright yellow fingerprints everywhere. On the dog, for instance. Well, this year is going to be different.

This year, I’m not buying any Cheetos. Plus the recliner’s gone, a gift to Goodwill.

Other than that? The same old. No fancy schmancy dinner. No being whisked off to Paris. No day of pampering at a luxury spa. Just another Wednesday. And, you know, that’s fine with me. Drinking makes me throw up, dancing makes me dizzy, exotic trips leave me disoriented, expensive jewelry is, yikes, how much?

I’m an oddity. My idea of birthday bliss is a three figure gift card and an afternoon in a bookstore. I know, I need to set my sights higher. Okay, how’s this? Snap a party hat on the dog, put a plate of enchiladas in front of me, and par-TAY. No? Well, that’s as grand as I get. Oprah, she’d love a big, over-sized fuss on her birthday — celebrities, flash, glitter, gushing compliments. But I’m not Oprah.

I’m me. I’ve tried to be other people, but can’t pull it off. I bob to the surface like a cork. Every single time. Now, I’m off to wander the aisles of the bookstore until the cows come home. And I wish for you a birthday that’s every bit as blissful.


Copyright © Publikworks 2011.

14 thoughts on “Aww, crap, not again.

  1. Happy Birthday! Hope you have a quiet, peaceful, happy one.. and maybe a blueberry muffin and coffee would make the bookstore experience all the more enjoyable ^^


  2. Happy anniversary on the year of your birth. Or something like that.
    I quite enjoy celebrating my birthday – an excuse to eat ice cream. (Though really, I don’t need an excuse at this point.)
    In any case, celebrating a birthday sure beats celebrating a death. Congrats on making it another year. Glad to have you here. (smile)


    1. Hi! I can’t argue with that, I prefer sitting here as opposed to all duded up in a box. Or an ashtray. And on that note, let’s break out the ice cream. Thanks, Lenore.


  3. Happy birthday! My birthday is today, as well. Or as the Beatles so eloquently phrased it, “It’s my birthday too, yeah.” Perhaps someone will cook you up some Cheeto enchiladas for your big day. Unlike you, I do indeed imbibe, so this evening I’ll hoist a glass or two in your honor (and in mine too, yeah).


    1. It is? How great. I’m tickled to share it with you, angelvalleywed. I’ll lift a Coke in return, with a splash of Jack in your honor. And happy birthday to you.


  4. Happy Birthday! I should say many more but you seem not to want them. Wait a minute, who said “the one with the most birthdays lives the longest?” See, you want birthdays, lots more of them. “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” ~Larry Lorenzoni


    1. Thanks O. Leonard, that’s so nice of you. I guess birthdays are the better alternative, aren’t they? Larry Lorenzoni is absolutely right, who is he?


  5. Felicitations on your grand Natal Day, Publikworks!! I, for one, celebrate your being the you that you are- vigorously!

    What say you browse Amazon, and give me an idea of what book you’d most like to own? We’ll call it an Unbirthday Arbitrary Parcel, rather than a “present”. Or something.

    Three cheers for a wonderful, and wonderfully astute, witty woman I’m gratified to associate with. Love on ya! xxxxx


    1. Ah, you make my heart sing, you do. Thanks you for the birthday wishes, poppins. You are gift enough, my little friend, no need for amazon. I’ll wait for your next post and read that, you’re every bit as entertaining as a book, you are. Love on ya back, xxooxo!


  6. A three figure gift card and an afternoon in a bookstore? I have found a soul sister. The only thing missing is a bottle of wine. Enjoy your day.


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