Well, I did it again, I added a ‘Like’ to my own post. How? I have no idea, but I’ve done it twice. I’ve also clicked ‘publish’ when I meant to click ‘save draft’. I’ve done that three times. A hat trick, the trifecta. But the real showstopper was activating a new blog theme, instead of a preview. Genius.
Here, in my little corner of dumassylvania, every activity button should ask ‘what, are you nuts?’ Computers shouldn’t listen to me; I’m not reliable. They should demand an explanation, at the very least.
To make matters worse, I’ve recently been introduced to the varied and awesome wonders of a touchscreen. I needn’t go to the trouble of pushing a button any longer, holding the phone is enough to change settings and ringers and volume levels. Raise a finger and a flurry of applications launch, unread emails are banished to unknown reaches. These activities, and many others, occur without my knowledge or consent.
Thanks to this innovative technology, I’m now the newest student in anger management class. I’ve been pushed — bink — right over the edge.
Do you have a touchscreen? Would you like mine? It’s hardly been used. I spend most of my time rubbing and cleaning all the schmutz off the screen; the fingerprints and ear prints and tear stains. A couple times I’ve dashed off a six or seven word email. Most of the words were changed by the email program, but I didn’t mind. It got sent to the wrong person, anyway. And I’ve successfully completed fewer than five calls,
Why, oh why, did I upgrade to a touchscreen? I had a Blackberry, a perfectly fine phone, and it served me well. But my two-year contract was up and I, perpetually bored with the familiar, just had to try an Android. Happy now? No. With each keystroke I’m caromed to secret locations and encrypted data hidden deep in its nasty little heart. Dark and ominous places. My response is simple — I turn off the damn phone and run away. When I return, it seems to work, but, c’mon, how would I know? The most I can do with it is weigh down my mail.
Want a blinking, ringing, chirping, flashing, vibrating paperweight? If you’d like to contact me, please send up the Bat Signal. Thank you.