: and for my next trick :

Well, I did it again, I added a ‘Like’ to my own post. How? I have no idea, but I’ve done it twice. I’ve also clicked ‘publish’ when I meant to click ‘save draft’. I’ve done that three times. A hat trick, the trifecta. But the real showstopper was activating a new blog theme, instead of a preview. Genius.

Here, in my little corner of dumassylvania, every activity button should ask ‘what, are you nuts?’ Computers shouldn’t listen to me; I’m not reliable. They should demand an explanation, at the very least.

To make matters worse, I’ve recently been introduced to the varied and awesome wonders of a touchscreen. I needn’t go to the trouble of pushing a button any longer, holding the phone is enough to change settings and ringers and volume levels. Raise a finger and a flurry of applications launch, unread emails are banished to unknown reaches. These activities, and many others, occur without my knowledge or consent.

Thanks to this innovative technology, I’m now the newest student in anger management class. I’ve been pushed — bink — right over the edge.

Do you have a touchscreen? Would you like mine? It’s hardly been used. I spend most of my time rubbing and cleaning all the schmutz off the screen; the fingerprints and ear prints and tear stains. A couple times I’ve dashed off a six or seven word email. Most of the words were changed by the email program, but I didn’t mind. It got sent to the wrong person, anyway. And I’ve successfully completed fewer than five calls,

Why, oh why, did I upgrade to a touchscreen? I had a Blackberry, a perfectly fine phone, and it served me well. But my two-year contract was up and I, perpetually bored with the familiar, just had to try an Android. Happy now? No. With each keystroke I’m caromed to secret locations and encrypted data hidden deep in its nasty little heart. Dark and ominous places. My response is simple — I turn off the damn phone and run away. When I return, it seems to work, but, c’mon, how would I know? The most I can do with it is weigh down my mail.

Want a blinking, ringing, chirping, flashing, vibrating paperweight? If you’d like to contact me, please send up the Bat Signal. Thank you.

Copyright © Publikworks 2011.

Advertisements

20 Responses to “: and for my next trick :”

  1. writerwannabe2011

    I am so glad I’m not the only Luddite to ‘Like’ their own post . . . oh, and by the way I am the current mayor of Dumassylvania. Welcome!

    Like

  2. Até

    When my super awesome, super sexy moto razr so ungraciously conked off, I decided, disillusioned as I was, to not buy a new phone but just use my mum’s old one. It’s so ancient it’s a black and white one. But it works fantastically well; and works perfectly as a paperweight too ^_^

    Like

  3. Lenore Diane

    Thanks for the offer, but I will decline on the motorized paperweight. Though I quiet enjoy gadgets, much like puppies and kittens, I enjoy playing with the gadgets of others, returning them when playtime is over and leaving them to deal with the poop. (or phone bill, as it were.)
    Now, let’s see if I can successfully click ‘post comment’, because I have missed the mark in previous attempts.

    Like

  4. O. Leonard

    My absolute sentiments exactly. I went back to a Blackberry flip. Touch screens suck, and touchscreen keyboards suck even more. I guess my thumbs are too big.

    Like

    • publikworks

      I think my brain is too small. Seriously, it takes three or four tries to send an email. And the Internet? I just leave it alone.

      Like

      • Joshua Goodwin

        Please understand that not all touchscreens are equal. I have a touchscreen camera and it is all of the bad things that you describe, but somehow this iPod touch is differently much better and I am typing thIs here with my great sausagey thumb.

        Like

    • publikworks

      Poppins? Is it you? Really? Where have you been, broadcasting from a undisclosed location?

      PS. Blighter is absolutely right.

      Like

  5. Min

    roflmaooo Plublik!!! You are to funny hehe. Since your touchscreen is attached to a phone I do not want, but I can tell you, I love touchscreens, but mayhaps that’s because I’m used to them.

    Pushing the wrong buttons can be somewhat funny, well at least your blog or puter will not explode when you do that. =p It is getting more funny when you come to the level where you pick plugins that fool around with your blog. I have a talent for that. The last plugin I tried munched away all my graphics.

    Can’t say anything about the “Like” button because I hate facebook and I rather stop drinking coffee (which I run on) than clicking on any buttons that are made by facebook or link to it.

    Great post as always =) thank you so much for making me smile. =)

    Like

  6. Janet NZ

    I don’t know how the ‘like’ thing works.
    I had some people ‘like’ a post.
    They all arrived at once…. from Germany…(which is fine)… except… wtf???
    As for touch screens….
    pphhhwwsshh – I don’t think so.
    Go for it MPS, my hero(ine)
    XXOO

    Like

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: