: you can hear it ticking :

That thing on your nightstand? That’s not an alarm clock, it’s a miniature terrorist, a tightly wound package of pandemonium and chaos.We all have one, although none of us like them. In fact, alarm clocks may well be the most disliked of the small home appliances.

Right now, at this very second, one is ringing somewhere in the world, waking some poor schmo who wants nothing more from life than another hour of sleep. His alarm clock is there, standing sentinel, to make sure that never happens.

The clock may look innocent, but don’t be fooled. It’s busy counting the minutes until that one sweet moment in the cold, gray light of dawn when it erupts into a blaring, clamoring box of noise. And sends you straight into arrhythmia. There’s real hostility in that cold, mechanical ringer.

The only violent fantasies I’ve ever entertained, involved my alarm clock and a meat tenderizer. Such a strident, persistent racket is unwelcome any time, but first thing in the morning? Puts a harsh on my mellow, man.

By their very nature, alarms are unwanted heralds. They’re the harbingers of bad news: they shriek, ‘wake up’ or ‘the house is on fire’ or ‘someone’s stealing your car.’ Not news you’re eager to hear, is it? Even so, this being a weekend, I’ve granted a reprieve to my battered and dented alarm clock. The poor thing is only doing its job, after all. Albeit a little too zealously, if you ask me.

Copyright © Publikworks 2011.

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8 Responses to “: you can hear it ticking :”

  1. Snoring Dog Studio

    Fortunately, I’m able to avoid using an alarm clock because I naturally wake up in enough time (although it’s really EARLY) to make it to my destination. I do rely on one if I’m traveling, though – just in case. And then, I don’t set it to blast me with that awful buzz, I awake with music.

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  2. Min

    ppppssst, there is a very effective weapon against this bonsai terrorist aka alarm clock *snicker* it is called retirement. =p *handsbutterkekstoPW*

    Love the clip, big fan of Jim Henson here.

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      • Min

        You will, I’m sure! Just think of Coyote! But there is a funny thing about living without the need of a clock. I never ever know what day we are on. Somehow I manage to get the right month but the day I always have to guess and often I’m plain wrong. Without my puter telling me the date I would be so lost, you have no idea.

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        • publikworks

          As long as McQuietschy isn’t tapping you on the shoulder and asking to be fed, you’re doing great. Without TV I’d never know. either.

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  3. Lenore Diane

    I am behind on reading, PW … so glad I finally got to this post. Again, I did not see the end coming. I love those crotchety old men! And Beaker singing is priceless. The pop up messages are a sad reminder of how our language is plummeting (is he died?) …. alas it was all in good fun, and fun it was!

    And yes – clocks are torturous. tick tick tick tick tick ….

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