: hello, winter; goodbye, cruel world :

Yesterday I turned on the heat and today the world is supposed to end. Do you think there’s a connection? Well, let’s worry about one thing at a time.

First, the weather. It’s turned cold and raw and rainy here. There hasn’t been so much as a hint of sunshine in a week. Out of desperation I dug out the winter woolies and for the last three days I’ve been up to my ears in long underwear, thermal shirts, and heavy wool socks. Indoors.

By yesterday, the teeth-chattering was drowning out the television and I had goosebumps the size of blisters. So I broke down and turned on the heat. With the warmth came that stale, dusty furnace smell that’s as familiar as mothballs, two sure harbingers of winter. In October. Pre-Halloween October.

This, my friends, is not a good omen. This winter is forecast, albeit by unreliable sources, to be especially nasty, with sub-zero cold and endless snow. Of course, every fall, forecasters come out with the same dire warnings of massive snowfalls and Arctic temperatures. Sometimes they’re right, sometimes they’re wrong.

Then there’s Harold Camping, civil engineer turned biblical mathematician, he has a forecast of his own: the world is going to end today. Okay, his last prophecy for a Rapture in May was wrong. And the Apocalypse he predicted in 1994 fell through. But that doesn’t mean this one will. He’s double-checked his math and says the end will “probably” come today. The third time’s a charm, you know. A doomsday trifecta.

Camping has toned down his rhetoric some, avoiding references to wrath and judgment and torment. This time around, he thinks the end will come quietly and without suffering to those who aren’t among the true believers. They, the true believers, will quietly receive the new heaven and the new earth. No natural disasters, no blasts of hellfire, no big display.

Well, here’s my prediction: life will go on and spring will come and we’ll all win the lottery for Christmas.

The End

Copyright © Publikworks 2011.

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18 Responses to “: hello, winter; goodbye, cruel world :”

  1. Min

    haha what will you do once winter hits? It haven’t even started to get cold yet. Ok, it is nasty outside, windy and wet, but not really cold. And yes, a proper winter is supposed to have lots of snow! That’s the best about it! =)

    So this guy believes that the world could end today? hhmm what about time zones in such a case? I mean, here in germany “today” is almost over, so the “quiet world’s end” better hurrys up, just 4 hours left to get it done. =p

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  2. Angie Z.

    That’s it. I’m heading out the door to Dunkin’ Donuts now where I’ll bury my face in a box of jelly-filled donuts for an hour or so. Then, from there, it’s off to shoot goobery spitwads at the high school smokers who loiter around my kids’ neighborhood playground. I’m going to go out in style!

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  3. Lenore Diane

    PW you are an excellent predictor. Though you say we will all win the lottery on Christmas, you do not specify who will win on which Christmas – year, etc. Nicely done. So, if I don’t win this year, well – that doesn’t mean you are wrong, it just means I played on the wrong year.

    Camping could learn a thing or two from you.

    We turned on our heat two nights ago, though I’ve had my electric blanket on the bed for over a week. Bring on Winter. I’m ready!!

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    • publikworks

      You caught that? Wow, you’re good! Have you noticed how quiet Mr. Camping has been this time? I feel kind of sorry for the old guy.

      No, no. don’t bring it on. Not now. Not ever. Make it go away

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  4. nevercontrary

    Shoot I forgot the world is ending today. I was supposed to put glitter in my pockets so when i ascended to heaven i would shower glitter on the heathens below. Better run to store now!

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  5. dadispen

    Seems to me like you dread winter. Ironically, i am dreaming of it… to someone who haven’t tasted a real snow cone I guess winter is such a great thing!

    Christmas lottery? I bet i would win a prize on our family Christmas Party. Everybody does by the way…however, if the world ends before Christmas then y/our prediction fails! hehe…

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  6. Cakes and Shakes...

    Too true! Each year I dread getting the top-up bill from the power company which one year meant I got a lousy 17 euros back (had paid too much) and another year, ordered to pay over 700 euros! Power-brokering despots!! I hate putting on the heating early in the season, it just reminds me of how many fewer pairs of shoes I will be able to purchase…

    Cakes
    http://www.cakesandshakes.wordpress.com

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