: a head warming tale :

How I’ve pined for a hat with earflaps. I wore one through a couple of bitterly cold, arctic-like winters and I credit my survival to that goofy thing. And to my coat, a parka so heavy and dense it’s quite possibly bullet-proof. Nothing penetrates the fabric, not snow or howling winds or an icy rain. Not even a pickpocket, should one happen to be afoot.

Weather-wise, I don’t scare easily. I slept through a Category 3 hurricane and mowed the lawn while tornado sirens blared, but at the first hint of a nip in the air? I fold like a map. Seriously. I can’t think of anything I dislike more than being cold. It’s a dreadful, bleak sensation that drains me of my usual good humor.

I’ll go to any extreme to prevent such a circumstance from occurring. Beginning in November, I disappear beneath layers of clothing and stay there until I hear the ice cream truck. Groundhogs, the poor bewildered souls, venture out in February in search of their shadow. Not me, I’m in no hurry. I say, let my shadow find me –and it better be bearing a thermos of hot toddies.

Already, barely into the winter season, my skin is dry and chapped and itchy. I have a sunless pallor and perpetual goosebumps, my arms and legs pimply with them. Just about every pocket I have harbors a tissue — coats, sweaters, pants, pjs, skirts. My sleeves, too, they’re loaded like a Pez dispenser.

What has this to do with a hat with earflaps? I don’t know, seems I’ve wandered rather far afield.

Oh, right, my beloved old hat. The thing was bright red, I stood out like a blood blister when I wore it. Then, poof, it went missing after my last move. The winter without it was unbearable, I didn’t warm up until mid-July. This year I put a hat with earflaps on my Christmas list and hoped Santa would come through. And guess what. It’s here, my hat is here. The package was delivered to my door, but not by eight tiny reindeer. By a FedEx truck. When did Santa start moonlighting?

The FedEx part was disillusioning, of course, but the hat is a dream. Red and black plaid, with furry ear flaps and an upturned visor. Sure, I look like a dork, maybe even a nut job, but I can live with that. Heck, I’ll take dorky nut job over shivering hypothermic seven ways from Sunday. Who wouldn’t?

Copyright © Publikworks 2011

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27 Responses to “: a head warming tale :”

  1. Min

    hhhmm we would like a picture (you and that hat). Guess that would help to warm us all up. *snicker*

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    • publikworks

      Ha. You’d get a good laugh, that’s for sure. I stuck a photo of the hat at the bottom of the post, how’s that? Isn’t it a beauty? I see you got your snow, was it a good one?

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      • Min

        *giggle* it looks very cozy and it will keep you warm for sure =) Thank you for sharing! Na, our snow got canceled and our weather got back to normal, which means wet, no frost, just bah. Oh, what would I give for a solid blizzard with at least 5 meters of snow. Then I would get such a earflap hat too.

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        • publikworks

          Don’t give up, there’s still time. You should get an earflap hat just in case, maybe then the snow would fly ; ) Merry Christmas, Min.

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        • Min

          Dear Lisa, we would like to wish you and Bart a very MERRY CHRISTMAS! May all your wishes and dreams come true.

          Min with Quietschy and Anashti ^..^

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        • publikworks

          Thank you, Min, that’s so sweet. I hope you have a joyous and cozy Christmas, too, plus a heavy snowfall. Give Quietschy and Anashti a pat on the head.

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  2. ceciliag

    You are going to laugh like a nutter (oh I wish I could attach a pic) but I am sitting at my computer right now! wearing a green and yellow Thai yaks wool hattie WITH FLAPS and at the end of said flaps are long pompoms. (you can’t make this shit up) I was outside and have not taken it off yet, it is so cosy!! My daughter says.. I sent that to you as a joke!! and I say .. ah well. c

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  3. Lenore Diane

    I want one. It looks quite cozy.
    Lisa, so many lines in this post had me snorting with chuckles.
    For example, “My sleeves, too, they’re loaded like a Pez dispenser.” I’ve seen such sleeves.
    I truly enjoy your writing style.
    For the record, the temp outside is 66, yet I am wearing two shirts (one being a sweatshirt), socks and jeans. When away from the computer, I’m huddle in blankets.

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    • publikworks

      Thank you, LD, that means a lot coming from you.

      Up here it’s 33º, I have a muffler around my neck and the new hat perched on my head. And I’m indoors. With the windows closed.

      From my days in NC, though, I know how cold 66 can feel. You guys don’t have furnaces, you have heat pumps. Br-rrr.

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  4. O. Leonard

    Funny. Funny. Funny. We just bought one like it for my granddaughter who had to have it. Her’s is an orange plaid with matching scarf. She looks like a nut job, but a cute one.

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    • publikworks

      Everyone looks like a nut job in these or Elmer Fudd, but I figure that’s a small price to pay. I hope your granddaughter likes hers as I much as I like mine. They’re wonderful!

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  5. Angie Z.

    That hat reminds me of a paper I wrote once in high school on the symbolism of Holden’s ear flapped hat in A Catcher in the Rye. *Sigh.* That hat really is something special — in a literary sense, in a survival sense.

    You have no idea how many Kleenexes I have stuffed up my sleeves in the winter. I love the Pez dispenser line. So true. I knew I hit rock bottom when my daughter stuck one up her sleeve. What have I done?

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    • publikworks

      Don’t forget Ignatius J. Reilly in A Confederacy of Dunces, he’s another great character who wore the hat.

      About the Kleenex? I spend hours every winter pulling shredded tissues out of the washer; nothing is more irritating. But it happens about twice a month in the winter. aaargh

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      • Angie Z.

        Yes, washed kleenex – I get those too! My advice is to leave them and dry them. Easier removal. My husband enjoys (if by “enjoys” you mean “hates”) peeling them off his clean clothes like dryer sheets.

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  6. Prudy

    Lisa, I’m happy to know Santa granted your wish for a new hat. He is listening after all. Merry Christmas to you and Master Bart.

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  7. suzymarie56

    Those hats are SUPER fashionable in England at the moment. Even the all fur version. Perhaps I fancy one for myself! I hope your Winter is a warm one thanks to the new hat :) x

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  8. angelvalleywed

    And you know, in an emergency situation your sleeve can BE your tissue. Now, I farm for a living so the level of sogginess in my workday sleeves isn’t as much of an issue as it might be to a technical writer or, say, a brain surgeon, yet it’s something to keep in mind.

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    • publikworks

      That’s too funny, angel! Sleeves do come in handy, don’t they? There’s been more than one occasion when they were life savers. It’s always fun to hear from you, please hurry back.

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  9. the home tome

    I have/had an earflap hat that has gone missing as well! Thus far, I have taken it as a sign from the universe i.e. “you don’t look good in that” but after reading this, I think I will send out another search party…

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