It’s Friday the 13th, Twinkies are going belly up, and the Doomsday Clock was moved ahead 1 minute to 11:55. For crying out loud, we’re only 13 days into a new year. What in the world is going on? Did Nostradamus predict this? What about the Mayans, are they at it again?
Before we start to panic (and by we I mean I) let’s take this one calamity at a time, beginning with Friday the 13th. In fairness, we shouldn’t be surprised by its arrival, the date’s right there on the Gregorian calendar. Even so, I was startled by the appearance of today’s date in my day planner. I feel so ambushed.
After I had a chance to think about it, though, I realized most days are like Friday the 13th. I’ll have 364 more of them this year. Unless. The actual date has the completely opposite effect and brings me a regular day of glad tidings and happy surprises. That seems reasonable, doesn’t it? Either way, air travel and doctor visits are out.
In the grand scheme of things, one day of bad luck is a blip. A world without Twinkies? That’s a catastrophe. Hostess Brands, the makers of Twinkies and Sno Balls and Ding Dongs, is going bankrupt. Again. They emerged from Chapter 11 last September, but decided to try again. They’re still nearly a billion $ in debt.
Hostess has issued statement after statement promising to keep the Twinkies coming, but what if they don’t? Can we go cold turkey? Can we just forget about them, put them out of our minds? No, they’re part of American culture. Remember the Twinkie defense? How about ‘That’s a big Twinkie’ in Ghostbusters? I do and I’m going to stock up.
But I’d better hurry, according to the Doomsday Clock we’re a full minute closer to apocalypse. The hand is standing at five minutes to midnight. Shoot, we were a lot closer in 1953, the clock was down to two minutes. So we’ve gained an extra three minutes, if you’d like to look at it that way. Which I very much do.
See there? Everything’s fine, nothing to worry about. We can just go on about our business and have a nice day : )
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