: the double dip :

I’m not referring to ice cream or embezzlement or recession. No, ladies and gentlemen, nothing so delightful.

I’m talking about falling in the toilet. Twice. On two consecutive nights. First, I forgot to put the seat down and … ka-PLOOOSH!!!aww, crap!!! Next, I unknowingly lifted the lid and the seat and … ka-PLOOOSH!!!aww, crap 2!!!

Ta da.

So for those keeping score, that makes 2 self-inflicted whirlies and 1 minor, but ungainly, pratfall off my bike. Thus far. Stay tuned, it’s only Thursday, there’s still plenty of time for a dazzling finish. Because my new bottle of meds screams in yellow ‘May Cause Dizziness.’ I’m doomed. Traction looms large in my future, I can feel it like phantom pain.

The pharmacist warned me, too, about the dizziness, but also about an increased appetite. Which makes perfect sense, because when I’m not busy falling into the toilet, I’m eating or, you know, shoveling. In the manner of a chipper/shredder. At this pace, I should be the size of a Macy’s balloon in eight, maybe nine days. I’ll need handlers — crane operators mostly.

I’m going to need a bigger blog for this. A bigger chair, too. Bigger Levi’s. Hey, where’d my feet go? I can’t see my feet. Can you, are they here? Come on, this isn’t funny. They were here a minute ago, I swear.

Copyright © Publikworks 2012

12 responses to “: the double dip :”

  1. This reminds me of when your chair broke and had to sit on a plastic tote to write on your blog. Was that it? Or was it a plastic crate?


    1. A plastic crate.

      You have the most phenomenal memory I’ve ever encountered, kiddo. I’m constantly amazed by your recall and, of course, your creative ability : o Wow! And thanks for stopping, I loved hearing from you.


      1. Sorry for the most poorly written comment in the history of comments. Ever since I got an iPad I’ve started writing (and spelling) like a caveman.

        Thanks for your nice words!


        1. Nice words, my eye. That was naked jealousy, pure and simple.

          Congrats on the iPad, condolences on the typos, but I’m the Queen. So there.


  2. ha ha ha this is hilarious.


    1. The things I have to do for a funny post, sheesh.

      To be honest, nevercontrary, it’s funnier now than it was then. It was just a giant pain at the time. Literally.


  3. I came for the ice cream, Lisa. You teased me. I don’t do well with teasing. Fortunately, what you lacked in ice cream, you made up for with humor. Oh how many times have I fallen in the toilet … I blame the men in my life. Would it HURT them to put the seat down, cuz while it doesn’t hurt me to fall in the toilet – I hate getting a wet bum.
    Hang in there Dizzy Dean.


    1. Hey, LD!

      I thought of you when I came up with the headline. Then hoped you wouldn’t be too disappointed. You weren’t, were you?

      I so agree on your ‘wet bum’ opinion — I just hate that, aaarrgh! Plus I had the extra fun of radioactivity. Nothing like showering at 3 in the morning : /


  4. It’s funny you’re complaining about dizziness and an increased appetite on what is known to many as national pot smoking day, 4/20. Those folks are going out of their way to experience the same two symproms!


    1. It is, really? I mean, yeah, that’s why I did this today. For the, uh, synergy, man. That’s too funny, 1point, thanks.


  5. I know! Dizzy makes a nice break in the day, I look forward to it. Until I fall in the toilet, it’s just so gross and startling! We think alike, Liezel, you could be my missing twin, are you? : )


  6. Oh the fun of dizziness… going on a high that is totally acceptable (not that I’m a druggy or anything, but you know) and prescribed by people who are supposed to keep you alive. I loved how you went into that gaining weight thing… was F.U.N.N.YYYYYYY! All the laughing at the whirlies should be good exercise tho. :)… Oh and in SA time its Friday already so bad week is gone.


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