I’m talking about falling in the toilet. Twice. On two consecutive nights. First, I forgot to put the seat down and … ka-PLOOOSH!!!aww, crap!!! Next, I unknowingly lifted the lid and the seat and … ka-PLOOOSH!!!aww, crap 2!!!
So for those keeping score, that makes 2 self-inflicted whirlies and 1 minor, but ungainly, pratfall off my bike. Thus far. Stay tuned, it’s only Thursday, there’s still plenty of time for a dazzling finish. Because my new bottle of meds screams in yellow ‘May Cause Dizziness.’ I’m doomed. Traction looms large in my future, I can feel it like phantom pain.
The pharmacist warned me, too, about the dizziness, but also about an increased appetite. Which makes perfect sense, because when I’m not busy falling into the toilet, I’m eating or, you know, shoveling. In the manner of a chipper/shredder. At this pace, I should be the size of a Macy’s balloon in eight, maybe nine days. I’ll need handlers — crane operators mostly.
I’m going to need a bigger blog for this. A bigger chair, too. Bigger Levi’s. Hey, where’d my feet go? I can’t see my feet. Can you, are they here? Come on, this isn’t funny. They were here a minute ago, I swear.
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