: not undead, just unwarm :

If I remember my vampire lore properly, they don’t have a reflection. I mean, vampires look in the mirror and, hello? — no one’s there. That’s got to be annoying when you want to check your make-up. Or see if those pants make you look fat. But that’s the price you pay for not having a soul, right?

In the big scheme of things, however, it’s nothing compared to my predicament.

I don’t have any body heat — none. Seriously, I have the skin temperature of a corpse. Winter and summer, whether it’s 95º in the shade or 6º below zero, my hands are like popsicles: icy cold.

And that may explain why I can’t get trackpads or touchscreens or card swipes to work. See, I press the buttons, but nothing happens. I press harder and harder and? Nope, still nothing. In the end, I mash the damn button and, voila, up pops the ‘please wait for an attendant’ message. Gah!

Oh, it’s all very frustrating, not to mention time-consuming. What should be a simple retail transaction becomes, in fact, quite complicated and lengthy. But trackpads are, ye gods, even worse. They are cruel, balky, unpredictable devices and I hate them. A lot.

If I had a choice, I’d avoid them like the plague. I have a laptop, though, and no mouse, so sooner or later, the trackpad is inevitable. Oh, sure, I can default to the arrow keys as a work around, but not always. I can use keyboard shortcuts, too, but, here again, not always. The trackpad awaits.

Scrolling is a special kind of torture. So is the old ‘drag and drop’ maneuver. I stroke and pet the stoopid thing; I beckon to the cursor sweetly; I try sneaking up on it; I paw and I grope. But the horrid little cursor doesn’t budge, it just winks and winks and winks in infuriating mockery. Things turn ugly at that point and I get a bit heated.

Aaaah. That’s such a nice feeling, getting heated : )

Copyright © Publikworks 2012

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12 Responses to “: not undead, just unwarm :”

    • publikworks

      I swear, I’m going to start carrying a campfire in my pocket, sheesh. Thanks for stopping by to comisserate, Sarah.

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  1. Lenore Diane

    One of my boss’ from my youthful days of high school jobs had cold hands. We worked in a glass gallery (she owned it), and she never left finger prints on the glass, because of her cold hands. It was a weird party trick.

    We still have blankets out on our couch, and I typically have one draped over me while watching TV at night, while my husband sweats in the chair next to me.

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    • publikworks

      Hey, LD! Unbelievable as it sounds, what with temperatures in the mid- to upper-90s, I have yet to turn on the A/C. I’m not kidding.

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        • publikworks

          Some days it’s humid, other days, no. I think I’m benefitting from the air conditioning in the apartments above and below me. Or else I have a touch of malaria.

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  2. Lukraakvars

    Ouch, that does noooooot sound fun. My stepmom’s hands are also always cold, no matter where or when. She however doesn’t use trackpads so I doubt she has half the frustrations you have. Maybe you should just get yourself a mouse… I think it would save you so many trips to the shrink and also its way more convenient than a trackpad.

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    • publikworks

      Hi, Liezel, how are you? You’re right, I should, but it really chaps my cheeks to spend $60US for a mouse just because I have cold hands : /

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    • publikworks

      I’m flaky, all right. And since you’re asking, I’d love a piece, Susan. Got any peach? Or strawberry? Or rhubarb? Or strawberry rhubarb?

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