If I remember my vampire lore properly, they don’t have a reflection. I mean, vampires look in the mirror and, hello? — no one’s there. That’s got to be annoying when you want to check your make-up. Or see if those pants make you look fat. But that’s the price you pay for not having a soul, right?
In the big scheme of things, however, it’s nothing compared to my predicament.
I don’t have any body heat — none. Seriously, I have the skin temperature of a corpse. Winter and summer, whether it’s 95º in the shade or 6º below zero, my hands are like popsicles: icy cold.
And that may explain why I can’t get trackpads or touchscreens or card swipes to work. See, I press the buttons, but nothing happens. I press harder and harder and? Nope, still nothing. In the end, I mash the damn button and, voila, up pops the ‘please wait for an attendant’ message. Gah!
Oh, it’s all very frustrating, not to mention time-consuming. What should be a simple retail transaction becomes, in fact, quite complicated and lengthy. But trackpads are, ye gods, even worse. They are cruel, balky, unpredictable devices and I hate them. A lot.
If I had a choice, I’d avoid them like the plague. I have a laptop, though, and no mouse, so sooner or later, the trackpad is inevitable. Oh, sure, I can default to the arrow keys as a work around, but not always. I can use keyboard shortcuts, too, but, here again, not always. The trackpad awaits.
Scrolling is a special kind of torture. So is the old ‘drag and drop’ maneuver. I stroke and pet the stoopid thing; I beckon to the cursor sweetly; I try sneaking up on it; I paw and I grope. But the horrid little cursor doesn’t budge, it just winks and winks and winks in infuriating mockery. Things turn ugly at that point and I get a bit heated.
Aaaah. That’s such a nice feeling, getting heated : )
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