: dmv dos and don’ts :

Okay, first of all, the place to be on chilly, gray Saturday mornings in November is at home in your jammies, not on line at the DMV with a hundred or so fellow citizens. That, my friends, is Don’t number one on our list here.

If you have to go on a Saturday, pick a sunny one in springtime and be there when the doors open. Don’t wait for a reasonable hour, say 10 o’clock, or you’ll have plenty of time to regret it. Plenty.

And speaking of waiting, when your driver’s license expires, don’t put off renewal for more than a year. In the eyes of the DMV, only undesirables would pull such a stunt: terrorists, felons, identity thieves, ne’er-do-wells, that type.

They’ll want to see proof you’re not of that ilk and lots of it. Everything from birth certificates to bank statements; and I do mean everything.

You’ll also be subjected to an eye test and a written test and a driving test if your license has been expired for more than a year. Seems like piling on, doesn’t it? A driving test? Really?

In that endeavor, the driving test, it’s best not to make your examiner gasp in fear. It’s a Don’t, although it’s easier to do than you may think; the examiners are surprisingly skittish.

I just took my hands off the steering wheel for a second, to change eyeglasses, and oh my stars. A sharp, startled gasp issued from the passenger seat, then a pen furiously recorded my recklessness. It was not only unnerving, it was insulting, too.

In the Do column, and this is important, do get an examiner in a hurry. Your mistakes may go unnoticed — as long as there are no injuries. An examiner in a rush, one distracted by glorious thoughts of time off, is your best friend. And don’t forget to offer a refreshing mint when exiting the vehicle. It shows you care.

Happy motoring, all : )

Copyright © publikworks 2012

23 thoughts on “: dmv dos and don’ts :

  1. Hahahahahahaha! I know I have said it before – you crack me up.
    Was your license really expired for a year, Lisa? Unbeknownst to you? (thank you for giving me the opportunity to use the word ‘unbeknownst’.)
    This is priceless. Priceless.


    1. My license expired in August of 2011, so technically it was fifteen months. And the DMV is nothing if not technical. sheesh, they just can’t take a joke, can they?


    1. You seem like a much more organized person than I, so don’t worry. You’ll be fine until you hit, oh, 75 or so — then the driving test becomes mandatory. You still have a while to hone your parallel parking skills.


    1. They did make me do all that. Isn’t that silly? About the only thing they didn’t demand was a DNA sample and I wondered why. Out loud. They were not amused. DMV people are so humorless.


        1. could be worse .. could be a passport photo. The little man in his little booth once looked at my photo, then looked at me, then looked back at my photo then said, you look better as a blonde! My mouth dropped open.! Thank you, I think, I said as he stamped the brunette passport and handed it back to the blonde me. I looked at the out dated shot, well it was one of those shots where i really DID look like i needed a holiday! c


        2. You’re so right. My passport photo made me look like an extra in Planet of the Apes. I’d completely blocked that memory, until I read your comment. Yikes, that was awful.


  2. I can sympathize about the gasping examiner. I had a mental breakdown on my first test when I tried to turn left on a normal green light without looking. Needless to say I got a do over


    1. I expected to, since for most of the test I was operating at a disadvantage mentally. Fortunately, there were only about twenty minutes left in the examiner’s shift, so I got a pass. I was stunned. Happy, but completely stunned : O


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