I looked out the window this morning and what to my wondering eyes did appear? A red, red robin was bob-bob-bobbin’ along. Seriously. In December. In Illinois. Not only that, but the grass is still green, for heaven’s sake. Did no one get the memo? Winter’s supposed to start bright and early on Friday.
Does this mean it’s been canceled?
That’s the question, isn’t it? And it looms large — for me, anyway. As you may or may not know, winter is my nemesis. I resent its very existence and dread its horrible conditions. Snow, icicles, frost, black ice, arctic blasts, slush, sleet, freezing rain, sub-zero temperatures, there’s just nothing good about the season. Nothing. Wait, there is one positive, happy note in winter: snow days. I love those, I do.
The day after snow days? Whole different story. They’re torture, my friend. By definition, a snow day means you’re buried under lots and lots and lots of snow, stuff someone has to get rid of. Who would that someone be?
You’re the one who’ll wind up shoveling all that cold, wet, heavy, sloppy snow. It’ll take hours and your nose will run throughout. Your feet will go numb. Your hands will sting. Your back will ache. You’ll unleash new and creative expletives. And when you’re all done? City plows will barricade your driveway with a couple tons of dirty, packed snow when they pass. Do they do it on purpose? You’ve gotta wonder.
The year the blade fell off my snow shovel I quit with the shoveling. Each time I threw off the snow I’d shoveled, the blade went with it. I’d have to go pick it up, put it back on, shovel another swath, throw that, go get the blade, put it back on, over and over and over. That continued until I finally got smart enough to clamp the blade to the shovel with vise grip pliers.
These days I shovel snow with a phone. I call a guy with a truck and snow removal equipment. Works every time. There is no weather inclement enough to stay that dude from his appointed rounds. He is my hero. To him and all the others who haul away the tons and tons of mayhem that falls from wintry skies, thank you. I tip my ear-flapped hat to you all.
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