: housebound :

image51Okay, uncle, uncle, I give up already. Heck, if I had a white flag I’d wave it; if I had a towel I’d toss it in the ring; I’ll put my hands up; whatever you want, I surrender. Now make it stop.

I’m talking about stoopid, stoopid winter. What a perfectly horrid, malicious season. A few days of its frigid, blustery shenanigans is about all I can take, you know? More than that is just plain spiteful. And wrong, very, very wrong.

This year, for some reason, has seemed particularly long and unnecessarily dreadful. We’ve endured days and weeks and months of bleak, discouraging skies and biting, bitter wind. Snow and sleet and ice have coated our sidewalks and roads and roofs and lawns and cars, freezing everything solid. Including me.

Enough, dammit.

Yesterday, the weather sent me right over the edge — plink, ahhhhhhhh.  Every time I looked out the window, every stinking time, snow was falling out of leaden gray skies. It was blown hither and yon, zigging and zagging, swirling and eddying in an unrelenting arctic wind. The poor trees stood with stark, bare limbs outstretched in supplication, begging for mercy.

My friends, it was like being trapped inside a snow globe, one that was strapped to aimage163 paint shaker. I snapped. I’ve had it up to here with collision alerts and parking bans; with school closings and advisories and warnings; with chapped lips and chapped faces and, yes, a chapped ass. I’m fed up with feet like ice cube trays and teeth that chatter and the unflattering blue tinge my skin has acquired.

So I cranked up the heat to 80º, turned on every light in the house, replaced my sweatpants with shorts and my wool socks with flip-flops, put Jimmy Buffett in the CD player, and I’m not coming out until spring. Until the birds are singing and the flowers are blooming and the skies are not cloudy all day. Or until I defrost, whichever comes first.

Until then, I’ll loan the Easter Bunny my hat with the ear flaps and my parka. But if I were him? I’d call in sick.

Copyright © publikworks 2013

25 thoughts on “: housebound :

  1. We woke to snow this morning. April 13. And it wasn’t even a Friday. ;)

    I hear you about winter. If time travel existed I’d go back and ask my parents what they where thinking when they decided to immigrate to a country that is in single digits for six months of the year.

    Or ask to be adopted by a couple in Barbados. It’s a tough call.


    1. They were threatening us with snow again this week, but they’ve backed off that wild prediction. Thank goodness. Now it’s just rain, rain, and, you guessed it, more rain. ~ sigh ~

      When you, um, find the couple in Barbados, would you ask if they’d be willing to adopt two? I don’t take up a lot of room. And I’m a low maintenance kind of dame. I could act as the family pet. Deal?


      1. You say you’re low maintenance but if you’re anything like me, you’re like Sally in “When Harry Met Sally.” High maintenance who just thinks she’s low maintenance.

        But what the hell…let’s go.


  2. I hope you really did crank up the heat, turn up the lights, and wear your shorts and flip flops. I would imagine it would help lift the winter blues, if only for a day. Of course, the margaritas wouldn’t hurt.
    The snow globe image is funny… perhaps because it is not my reality.


  3. Hey Lisa,

    I didn’t even want to get out of bed this morning because that white stuff was out there…AGAIN!!! Geez!!!


  4. Come over here, it might be bleak but I ‘ll let you take a turn at milking the cow! though we have run out of firewood, so it is rather chilly.. I just wear all my clothes at the same time and have decided to join you in your protest and i am not changing until it is 50! That’ll teach them. Who? Oh them.. you know.. THEM! c


      1. she said you can sleep with her, I said no, it is Charlottes turn.. Though given a choice I would sleep with Mama, she has nice breath!… c


        1. Not to mention all that woolly goodnessl. That would keep anyone warm, even me, I think. How about if I FedEx you my electric blanket? With a really long extension cord you could probably at least take off your coat. How’s that?


        2. Made me laugh, i am literally sitting here working and still in my wooly hat! your electric blankie sounds good, can i wear it like a coat? c


  5. I think spring arrived, looked around, thought better of it, and gave winter a few more weeks. Hopefully april will be nicer


      1. That’s what I like to hear! haha! And I hope Spring gets here soon. Because I feel ya – I am ready for sunshine. I am ready to not wear socks for a long time. And I’m always ready for margaritas!


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