Everyone who’s anyone has a Word of the Year. Oxford Dictionaries has selfie ¹. Merriam-Webster picked science ². The American Dialect Society went with because ³. Somewhere in there, an unknown entity called the Global Language Monitor (GLM) piped up with their selection: 404.
Okay, bzzzzzzzt, that’s incorrect. 404 isn’t a word, it’s a number. And if you can’t tell the difference you should be disqualified from participating. Who let those people in, anyway? We need to set some standards. Until we do, every Tom, Dick, and Harry will toss out words in a shameless bid for media attention.
Me, for instance. And why not? I’m just as qualified as the GLM people. No, I’m more. I can spot the difference between a word and a number like that, snap. Plus, I have a lifetime of experience with words. I know body language, too, but wouldn’t nominate the extended middle finger for Word of the Year. Since it’s not a word (although it does speak volumes).
Come to think of it, I’m a little suspicious of science in that role and I’m not entirely sold on because. There’s nothing new or inventive about either one. Science is science; the meaning hasn’t changed. Usage hasn’t changed. The fact that more people looked up the definition doesn’t make it interesting or unique. So, since this is my post, I’m disqualifying science. It’s gone, outta there. As for because, probation for now. Selfie can stay, a legitimate choice in my opinion.
Want to know my nominee for Word of the Year? I don’t have one, I love so many. There’s quark and petard and dingleberry, apricity and fiduciary, kerfuffle and Pooterish and louche, demimonde and a zillion more. Pick one? No can do, Bub.
Here, I’ll tell you what word I absolutely loathe. Utilize. I hate it. When that term pops up in conversation, my eyes roll and the fancy talker gets all offended and huffy. Well, sorry, I can’t help myself, you pompous doofus.
Utilize — see, there go my eyes, a full circuit — ought to be stricken from the lexicon. People should be fined for uttering such a pretentious, feeble, overblown term. It’s totally unnecessary. What’s the matter with ‘use’? Huh? Is that not good enough anymore? Not la-di-da enough? Please. Simple is more eloquent than complicated. Every time.
This unfortunate trend toward the senselessly verbose must be stopped. Far too many twenty-dollar words are being thrown around when a ten-center would do just as nicely. And usually by somebody trying to sound like a scholar. With their memes (style) and tropes (figure of speech) and paradigms (model) and dystopias (think Chernobyl).
Adding extra syllables is another irksome development. Preventative, instead of preventive. Orientated, instead of oriented. Connotated, instead of connoted. Come on, what does that get you? Nothing but a longer, more complicated word. Connotated isn’t even a word, but I heard some Poindexter use it on, of all places, NPR. I wasn’t impressed with his improvisation. In fact, his misstep made me distrust everything he’d said — before and after.
You know what we need? Word Police, a mighty platoon enforcing the rules with clear-eyed, impartial vigilance. And for folks who mispronounce the words they throw around with such cavalier abandon? Five years of vocabulary rehab. No plea bargaining, no reduced sentence, no time off for good behavior. Case in point: it’s specifically, not pacifically.
Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not a fussbudget. I take my share of liberties, big, fat ones. I like breaking rules and creative usage and all that. I like how the Internet and digital technology are changing things with new words, such as squee, vom, tweeps, binge-watch, srsly, and apols. I love those. They keep language interesting and fun. Curiously, though, I’m not a fan of buzzwords, such as epic and out-of-the-box and big data. They’re yawns.
You want to look smart? Buy some eyeglasses. You want to sound smart? Avoid talking like a thesaurus.
Copyright © 2014 Publikworks
¹ Usage was up an impressive 17,000%.
² Lookups increased by 176% in 2013.
³ No longer needs to be followed by ‘of’ or a full clause.
the whirly girl 
27 responses to “: operator? get me the word police :”
One of the words that irritate the begeebies out of me is hashtags (also the whole hashtag typing thing) oh and abbreviating words that aren’t really that long to begin with, like sorry becomes soz and totally becomes totes… SERIOUSLY?? Like and totally are also way too overused!
LikeLike
You’re a woman after my own heart. I don’t understand the whole hashtag thing. At all.
I read a woman named her newborn daughter Hashtag. Uh, why? What’s the deal? Am I missing something?
LikeLike
Oh my word, why on earth would you Hashtag your own child. It just goes to show that some people should be banned from the net!
LikeLike
And from naming children.
LikeLike
Being a retired humor writer who now only writes his blog, I went on a search for other humor writers as dimented as myself. I have found one.
LikeLike
You, flatterer. That’s awfully high praise, Richard. Thank you.
LikeLike
Love love love this post! A cringe-worthy word for me is literally. Too overused; Sometimes even misused
“I literally just died”
“I literally laughed”
No. Stop.
LikeLike
Thanks, meanwhilejessie :o
I’d completely forgotten about literally. That poor word is way, way too popular. And let’s not forget basically, that’s another one that could use a breather.
LikeLike
Yes!
That too!
Boy, I’m glad I’m not the only one :)
LikeLike
Can’t get over people with their bruhs and brahs and bros. Even ‘dude’ sounds old fashioned these days…and ‘bromance’ GOD!
A cringe worthy word if I’ve ever heard one – Defriend
LikeLike
Yikes, I hadn’t heard defriend. That’s really awful. Really and truly.
LikeLike
People who say dialogue instead of talk. Ick.
LikeLike
Ick. Now there’s a great word. No explanation required — you know exactly what it means the first time you hear it. Dialogue? A splendid choice, madam. As always.
LikeLike
Great post! So many to choose from, so what I did in my upcoming novel is create a character who does what I’d like to: She goes around correcting grammatical errors on signs, in magazines, and from media personalities. If I only had the nerve!
BTW, mine would be “myself” used when people are afraid to choose between “me” and “I”.
“On behalf of Bob and myself, we’d like to thank you for coming.”
…and then I’m wishing I hadn’t.
LikeLike
Ha! Myself. Excellent choice, Maggie Pill. Good luck with the novel, sounds fun.
LikeLike
Eek. Totes funny. Although I have to admit I have a compulsion to make up words on the fly. That and titles. I get a kick outta that. BUT…current words that I hate Hate HATE: Bespoke. Curate. Twee. (Sigh)
LikeLike
Thanks, D’ascent. Dr. Seuss made up words, too, and look at him. He was a genius. Keep at it.
(How can you not like twee? It’s such a cute word. )
LikeLike
Tru dat. It isssss very cute:) Just tired of hearing it!
LikeLike
Words do run in cycles, don’t they?
LikeLike
I cannot use the word “forte” aloud, as everyone thinks I am mispronouncing if I use just one syllable. So the word is lost to me, but not the irony.
LikeLike
I’m right there with you. For me it’s homage. I feel like such a dope trying to pronounce it correctly. I don’t even try.
LikeLike
Quite delightfully I think we disagree – most excellent. I personally hate the word ‘selfie’, it sounds so .. well.. moist. I was brought up speaking English English not American English so orientated, etc are correct to me. But there you are. How does one even choose a word of the year. But if any I would agree with you on bamboozle, there is a lot of that going round.. are you somewhere warm? c
LikeLike
I may not always be right, but I always have an opinion. And, of course, you’re correct — English English has it’s own unique rules and spellings. Apols, srsly : )
No, I’m nowhere near warm. It was around -10 when I left this morning. Did anyone ever stick your bra in the freezer at a slumber party? That’s how my clothes felt when I was scraping the windshield. How about you?
LikeLike
-22 this morning, crap really. We never had slumber parties in NZ. I do not know why. But staying the night at a friends place was only ever done one by one.. Isn’t that SO SAD! I never had anyone stick my bra in the freezer either.. what kind of childhood did I have?.. deprived I think!
LikeLike
Deprived? On a New Zealand beach? I’ll take that over a frozen bra every single time. Wanna trade?
LikeLike
And most people who use ‘utilize’ aren’t even using it correctly. One of my sensitive points as well. Bring on the Word Police!
LikeLike
Isn’t that funny? I don’t know why that word irritates me so, but it does. Glad I’m not the only one. Thanks, for stopping by, colemining, it’s good to see you.
LikeLike