There’s been a coup, ladies and gentlemen.
My brain, pictured above, has overthrown my thyroid, pictured below, and seized control of operations. Hey, don’t look at me; I’m just as surprised as you are. I had no idea this kind of brouhaha was going on and right under my nose, too. No, it was more behind and a little above my nose — one must be precise.
But the bigger news is, I’m free of that bossy little tyrant at last. Sure, the average thyroid gland weighs, what? 20 grams? Pipsqueak, right? Close, it’s an armored tank. It took nuclear medicine (that’s right, nuclear!) and two flipping years to shut that juggernaut down. It did not go quietly, I assure you. In fact, I’m still not confident it went at all. Hell, for all I know, my thyroid’s playing possum or waiting in the weeds or impersonating a brain. I don’t trust it.
What I do know is I can think again. I’ve been getting ideas lately — the executions are weak (read that as lame), but the ideas are okay. My memory is up and running. I can focus; I can concentrate. I’m fairly rusty, of course, but I should expect that, right? I mean, my brain sat idle for 10 or 15 years, it probably needs a chance to warm up. We all would.
Maybe I should caution you at this point, say something like ‘don’t expect a miracle.’ After all, I’m still the one holding the pencil and even on my best days I’m no Dorothy Parker. Shoot, I’m not even Fess Parker. What I’ve been calling ideas could actually be déjá vu or a bad burrito. So let’s not get all carried away here; let’s just wait and see.
While we’re waiting, I’d like to thank each one of you for your patience and indulgence. This can’t have been easy for you, either. A number of these posts were a tough slog, riddled with all kinds of nonsense and folderol, I know. And that’s what makes your sacrifice so noble — you soldiered on. Without complaint. You’re saints. May the Force be with you. Amen.
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