: a guide to the christmas list :

We’re an acquisitive species, humans are. We like stuff and lots of it; our homes are packed to the rafters. But ask us what we want for Christmas and we’ll trot out the old, ‘I want you to be happy’ or ‘peace on Earth.’ Lovely sentiments, of course, but tough to gift-wrap.

A detailed list works better; Santa isn’t clairvoyant. You should include size and color choice and brand name whenever possible. Be specific. It cuts down on disappointment and there’s little or no need for returns. The gift giver is happy, the gift recipient is happy. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a win-win situation.  A true Christmas miracle.

Here, let me show you the proper format:


What I’d Like for X-mas

1. Tom Hanks
2. A bag of money
3. Curly hair
4. A short, unseasonably warm winter
5. For you to be happy
6. Peace on Earth
7. Goodwill toward men

Not necessarily in that order, though. Except for Tom Hanks, he’s at the top of the list every year. Wait, no, I flirted with the idea of Ed Burns once — a momentary lapse. Nothing came of it, water under the bridge and all that.

Well, there you have it, boys and girls. Tell me, what’s on your list, if I may be so bold?

bowCopyright © 2014 Publikworks

10 responses to “: a guide to the christmas list :”

  1. One Karl Urban, please!


    1. Oh, excellent choice. One Karl Urban coming right up.


  2. FurthermoreAndSoForth Avatar

    A Tom Hanks/Johnny Depp hybrid, please: Tom on the inside, Johnny on the outside. Thanks. I’ll be waiting.


    1. What’s the deal with Johnny Depp? You’re like the third person to mention him lately. What am I missing? Ed Norton is the other one I don’t get. Why, Jo?


      1. FurthermoreAndSoForth Avatar

        Ooooo the brown bedroom eyes. They get me every time. He actually looks like he’s kind of a squirt in stature but damn…those eyes.


        1. Yeah? The eyes? Hmm, I’ll have to look next time. I’ve just never noticed.


  3. You can keep Tom. I’ll take Ed Burns. I just watched “The Newlyweds” and, awesome. I’ll take his star on my tree anytime.


    1. He’s a babe, I agree, BD. But he’s married to what’s-her-name, the supermodel chic? Elle MacPherson? Giselle Bundchen? I couldn’t live up to that, too much work.


      1. Christy Turlington. Have you seen their latest Calvin Klein ad for Escape? Hubba hubba, she’s a babe, too.

        Do I take this to mean you’re too much like Rita Wilson? ‘Cause she’s not slouch in the looks department, either. *nods head*


        1. Oh, heck, no. But Rita Wilson seems like a more realistic goal than the supermodel. My idea of high fashion is anything without an elastic waist, you know? Rita Wilson might agree; a supermodel wouldn’t.


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