We’re an acquisitive species, humans are. We like stuff and lots of it; our homes are packed to the rafters. But ask us what we want for Christmas and we’ll trot out the old, ‘I want you to be happy’ or ‘peace on Earth.’ Lovely sentiments, of course, but tough to gift-wrap.
A detailed list works better; Santa isn’t clairvoyant. You should include size and color choice and brand name whenever possible. Be specific. It cuts down on disappointment and there’s little or no need for returns. The gift giver is happy, the gift recipient is happy. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a win-win situation. A true Christmas miracle.
Here, let me show you the proper format:
What I’d Like for X-mas
1. Tom Hanks
2. A bag of money
3. Curly hair
4. A short, unseasonably warm winter
5. For you to be happy
6. Peace on Earth
7. Goodwill toward men
Not necessarily in that order, though. Except for Tom Hanks, he’s at the top of the list every year. Wait, no, I flirted with the idea of Ed Burns once — a momentary lapse. Nothing came of it, water under the bridge and all that.
Well, there you have it, boys and girls. Tell me, what’s on your list, if I may be so bold?