: greetings from the land of lincoln :


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Hello. We’re closed.

We don’t have much to celebrate in these parts, but we’ve got Lincoln and today’s his birthday. So step aside, buster, it’s party time. We’re good at that, partying. It’s the billions in debt, high unemployment, and towering tax rates that have us stymied. People have actually suggested Illinois is the worst-governed state in all the land. Can you imagine?

How dare they!

Don’t they realize this is the Land of Lincoln? Lincoln, the most revered President in history. He lived here. Not there where you are, here. Illinois. Frankly, we’re not used to sending politicians off to be President. We’re more likely to send them off to prison. Four of the last nine governors, in fact, have done, or are doing, time for various shenanigans. Hell, they make our license plates.

il plate

Oy. Honest Abe must be spinning like an auger in his tomb — conveniently located, by the way, in Springfield. You should visit. In the meantime, please join me in celebration of Lincoln’s Birthday. Send a $5. Thank you.


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2 responses to “: greetings from the land of lincoln :”

  1. I suppose a “Land of Prisoners” motto on a license plate wouldn’t do much for tourism. Although “Land of Lincoln” probably doesn’t bring them in droves, either.


    1. No, it doesn’t. The agency doing the advertising for Illinois tourism focuses almost exclusively on Chicago. Even that’s a tough sell. The state should hire me to do their ads :0)


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