We were together a long time, Dave and I. The guy made me laugh, you know? I’m a sucker for men who make me laugh and he did. Better than anyone. You never knew what was coming with that guy, there was nothing predictable about him. Except you knew he’d be there. Every night. Like clockwork. Until now.
Now he’s leaving me. Do you believe that? After 33 years, it’s adios. He can’t get out the door fast enough. By morning he’ll be a tender memory. Do I get an apology, alimony? I do not. He’s made a public spectacle out of his decision to leave, turning it into a circus.
Has he once thought about my feelings, what I want? Has he ever? Pffft, he doesn’t even acknowledge me — in his eyes, I don’t exist. I’m nobody. I only counted in the Nielsen ratings.
Well, Mr. Big Shot Comedian, take your goofy, gap-toothed grin and go. Forget about me and my unflagging loyalty, my devoted faithfulness. I’ll remember you, though. I’ll remember you and the Bookmobile lady; I’ll remember the Velcro suit and the watermelons off the roof. Everything.
This little stunt, though? It isn’t funny at all. Who’s gonna make me laugh now, you rat bastard? Stephen Colbert? Hardly. I may never laugh again.
9 responses to “: the rat bastard is leaving me :”
Reblogged this on putwigray.
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I never was a Letterman fan…for more than a hot minute. But, I wasn’t much of a Leno fan, either. I enjoyed what few jokes I got from Johnny as a kid (which isn’t saying much) but did not know he was so troubled with anxiety/drinking. I learned to love Conan after his pal Andy left the show. I’ve given two Craigs a chance. And, Jimmy Fallon is okay…for a tool. I enjoy many of his celebrity games. The new guy, Corden, he’s okay…but I think he’s a closet bisexual. And, his band leader troubles me a bit.
I plan on seeing Dave’s last show tonight, though.
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You’ve hit ’em all. I’m not much of a talk show watcher, myself, but the Late Show was so original it didn’t really fit the category. I wonder what I’ll do with my nights now? Oy, this will be an adjustment.
Ya never know; another good one might be waiting for ya. Or, it just means you are phasing out of the interest period. I grew up thinking MASH was annoying. Now, it’s not so bad to watch that old show. I’ve actually been watching a few shows I grew up with that didn’t make as much sense then. It’s refreshing in a way, looking at them with different eyes. I don’t get as scared of Bill Bixby’s eyes anymore:P
You’re right, anything’s possible. I’ve been watching a bunch of old shows myself. Cheers, Rockford Files, Mary Tyler Moore — they seemed better before. They’re still good, but I expected them to be awesome. The one that stood the test of time? Boston Legal. It’s genius.
Meh, I can’t do Cheers. I waded through that series when Kirstie Allie was boss. I saw the final episode. I’m good.
Rockford Files I tried watching again because I am trying badly to write a P.I. story that’s just a lil different. But, I rarely have the patience to sit through a whole episode. I feel guilty watching any TV, actually.
I never was a MTM fan.
Boston Legal? If you say so. That’s not even in the same league of old shows. It’s newer. I only watched tidbits of that joke of a law show. I have a HUUUUUUGE crush on Julie Bowen…drool worthy…. Before she tried to do a law show, there was Susan Dey on L.A. Law. Purrrr….
Susan Dey? Laurie Partridge, that Susan Dey?
Yes, that Susan Dey. Rrrargh. :)