: hold it right there :


Wait, whoa, what happened to May? It was here a minute ago.

All right, which one of you wise guys hit fast forward? Was it you? You’re sweating. I’ll bet you complain about the heat a lot, don’t you? Roll up the car windows and crank the air conditioning to icy blast. You probably refuse to draw a breath that hasn’t been remanufactured and refrigerated. I know you, you’re a summer hater.

Well, thanks to you and your kind I need a parka at the movies and hot soup in restaurants. Trips to shopping malls are arctic expeditions, minus the crampons. Grocery stores have the ambience of cryonic chambers. And from May through September, my lips are a ghastly blue. Please, for the love of God, step away from the thermostat.ice cubesWe’re not fish sticks.

Can’t we enjoy summer? Does every flipping minute have to feel like February? Cold doesn’t slow the aging process, if that’s what you think. Breathing fresh air might. Try it. Try going outside. It’s nice. Things are blooming, others things are chirping. There’s a lovely breeze. Life is very pleasant without the incessant drone of air conditioning. You know what else? A little sweat won’t kill you. It’s healthy, removes impurities.

Do you enjoy making me miserable, is that it? Because I am, you know. I don’t like air conditioning or being cold or hermetically contained. That’s for cadavers, not me. I like fresh air and sunshine, I admit it. If that makes me a freak, so be it. I won’t apologize.

Let’s all just take a step back, start over. I’ll open a window; you hit rewind.

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9 responses to “: hold it right there :”

  1. I live in Texas where it can get over 100 and stay there. A/C is important, I have lived without I don’t think I would like to do so again. It doesn’t have to freeze you out though. Mine doesn’t. I use my ceiling fans more than my A/C. I open my windows. But really, without the A/C, there times, well I think we would all perish.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Who are you kidding, Valentine? You’re the coolest person ever. With or without air conditioning.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you! I like the idea of A/C in theory but it is WAY overused. Unfortunately one of the compromises I have made being married is no control over the thermostat. So I wear sweatpants and sweatshirts all. summer. long. In my own goddamned house.

    I’ll admit one thing I miss about being single is just living in fresh air.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, my gosh, come on over! You and I will sit around in shorts and t-shirts and flip-flops, eating popsicles or drinking margaritas. Your choice. My heart goes out to you, kiddo. That can’t be easy.

      I turned on the heat yesterday morning — very briefly. It dropped into the 40s overnight and I had frost on me.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. FurthermoreAndSoForth Avatar

    Living in a home without central air used to be unthinkable to me. Then I moved to the Olympic Peninsula of Washington state where no one has one. Even air-conditioned restaurants are rare — they just open their windows. It’s heavenly.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have A/C, I just never use it. Except in the car on very rare occasions. The ceiling fan and open windows are a delight. Why is that so hard to believe?


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