Wait, whoa, what happened to May? It was here a minute ago.
All right, which one of you wise guys hit fast forward? Was it you? You’re sweating. I’ll bet you complain about the heat a lot, don’t you? Roll up the car windows and crank the air conditioning to icy blast. You probably refuse to draw a breath that hasn’t been remanufactured and refrigerated. I know you, you’re a summer hater.
Well, thanks to you and your kind I need a parka at the movies and hot soup in restaurants. Trips to shopping malls are arctic expeditions, minus the crampons. Grocery stores have the ambience of cryonic chambers. And from May through September, my lips are a ghastly blue. Please, for the love of God, step away from the thermostat.We’re not fish sticks.
Can’t we enjoy summer? Does every flipping minute have to feel like February? Cold doesn’t slow the aging process, if that’s what you think. Breathing fresh air might. Try it. Try going outside. It’s nice. Things are blooming, others things are chirping. There’s a lovely breeze. Life is very pleasant without the incessant drone of air conditioning. You know what else? A little sweat won’t kill you. It’s healthy, removes impurities.
Do you enjoy making me miserable, is that it? Because I am, you know. I don’t like air conditioning or being cold or hermetically contained. That’s for cadavers, not me. I like fresh air and sunshine, I admit it. If that makes me a freak, so be it. I won’t apologize.
Let’s all just take a step back, start over. I’ll open a window; you hit rewind.