Stats plummeted last month in a scary, screaming nosedive, but even that was a crushing disappointment. I missed setting the record for worst month ever by 24 lousy visits. So close.
If I’m going down, I want a conflagration; I want explosions and charred debris, towering flames, smoke and rubble. I want people to watch in stunned disbelief, reverent wonder. Instead, I went down in a wussy fizzle. Sorry.
But, hey, it’s a new month and we’re off to a faltering, lethargic limp already. This could be the one, boys and girls, the month where we hobble into history with a brand new, all-time, record low number of visits. Yeehaa! Let’s cross our fingers and keep a good thought.
In the meantime, I’ve fastened my thinking cap, pictured above. Changes, I believe, are called for. These could be anything from drastic and sweeping to barely noticeable, although probably somewhere in between. Like you, I won’t know until they happen. You should prepare, however, for sudden changes in direction, wild fluctuations in altitude, unexpected stops and starts.
Consider a helmet of your own, pictured below. Designer Jyo Jon Mulloor created these to resemble the bare heads of riders. You’ll want something of a similar nature if you expect to stop by here.
Notice, I’ve turned on the No Smoking sign, so strap in and hang on tight. Remember, too, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. Aw, nuts, I forgot to file a flight plan. We’re aren’t cleared for departure — we could be here awhile.