: who invited them? :

All right, who’s the wise guy? Who ordered the snowflakes? Was it you? Well, they’re here and by the megaton.

Morning has long since turned to afternoon and still it snows. It salts out of the sky in nasty, hideous flakes of freezing. Forcing myself to go out into that hateful, unwelcoming wasteland will require pulleys and fulcrums and 12 strong men. I will not willingly mingle with trillions of tiny, irritating pellets of ice. Not as long as I have a breath in my body.

I will sit here, instead, peeling a stubborn price sticker from a book cover. When I’m done I’ll move on to another neurotic, mind-numbing activity. This will be my life for the foreseeable future. I won’t look outside; I won’t entertain thoughts about outside; the outside world no longer exists. poof, ta-ta.

On a much happier note, it’s possible I’m psychic. I ordered a down-filled comforter last week, way before snow was predicted. It arrived, crammed with 50-ounces of Siberian goose down, just in the nick of time, along with a soft flannel cover. I slept beneath both last night and rediscovered bliss. This morning, I dutifully thanked my electric blanket for a job well done and stowed it in a closet.

I appreciated the warmth it provided, very much, but I couldn’t be trusted with the controls. I’m too impatient. I’d set the thing on high, fall asleep, and wake up hours later blistered from the heat — I now know how toast feels. This happened nightly, even in summer sometimes. Ours was noticeably cooler and drearier than usual this year — I hate when that happens. I kept hoping for a heat wave that, dammit, never materialized.

And now snow. The wind blows it around in clouds, like big, white tumbleweeds. It’s a depressing and chilling sight. I can’t look, not now. Maybe in March. Snowfall doesn’t bother me much in March, since I know its days are numbered. But here in November? It’s a terrible thing to see, a bad omen, and a very unpromising late fall development. Officially, winter is still a month away. It’s not scheduled to start until 11:48 p.m. EST, December 21st.

Gosh, this is peachy. Winter’s early and summer was a no-show. Why couldn’t it have been the other way around? Stoopid, crappy winter.

Um, question: how do I get to wifi without actually stepping foot outside?

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