: prepare for a backlash :

Grim news, ladies and gentlemen: today is National Honesty Day.

Mark my words, nothing good will come from this; it’s a recipe for disaster. Hurt feelings and broken relationships will run amok. So unless you’re willing to hear the truth, it’s best not to ask the question. Not today. Wait until this blows over.

Lies may have a sordid reputation, but they’re a necessary evil. We ought to prefer them over honesty, which is plain harsh and upsetting for everyone involved. Imagine if people suddenly became forthright and gave voice to their sincere opinions. Conversation everywhere would come to a screeching halt and bring an end to friendship and romance and kindness as we know it.

Do you know who gets lied to most often? Mothers, that’s who. And they’d thank us if they knew what dastardly things we’re protecting them from. According to various polls and studies, men lie more often than women (1,092 times/year vs. 728), but women are more convincing in their lies. Men will stretch the truth to win an argument or save money, while women dissemble to spare someone’s feelings.

The most common lies are:

≡ I’m fine.
≡ I’ll be there in 5 minutes.
≡ Let’s keep in touch.
≡ I totally forgot to …
≡ My darn phone died.
≡ I’ve been so swamped.
≡ I’m busy that day.
≡ Wow, I love it.
≡ Yes, I’m listening.
≡ Of course, I remember you.

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There you have it. Lies are social currency, they grease the wheels of communication. Without them we’d be up shit creek. Without a paddle. And without a friend to call our own. Unless we had a dog; dogs can handle the truth.

Gosh, I wish I had more time to discuss the social and ethical ramifications of lying with you, but I’m totally swamped. Let’s get together for drinks sometime, ‘kay?

Happy Honesty Day.  (That isn’t an official endorsement.)

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