I truly believe I’ve done great things. So fabulous. I have better posts than anyone, really, really very popular posts. Did you see the crowd? The people love me; lots of them follow me. Many more than follow that overrated Meryl Streep.
No blogger has accomplished what I have, but I’m fighting fake reality. What you see isn’t real, it’s a lie. My little site is actually huge and we’re moving so fast, making the Internet great again. There’s never been a website that’s done as much in such a short time. It was a total mess when I got here, frankly, but I’m fixing that.
Everyday I sit at my amazing desk and I write big, super-classy words. Nobody loves words more than I do; words are fantastic. I use them a lot to say really terrific things. And I only use the best words, big ones to prove I’m absolutely a smart girl. I know things. Do you know Frederick Douglass? Susan B. Anthony? I do. Fabulous people.
So things are definitely getting done — bing bing bong bong bing bing bing — I’m not going to tell you what, but they’re incredible. You’ll see. Soon. In a couple weeks, maybe. Believe me, things are happening, because I’m a winner and I’m winning. I’m winning so much you’ll get bored and think maybe I should stop winning. But I can’t. That’s what I do. I win.
Although, to be honest, I thought this would be easier. Still, I’m happy to be here in this wonderful, beautiful place. Yay, me!
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