Hi! Due to other, more pressing, obligations, whirly needed to step away from her duties and asked me to fill in during her absence. So here I am, sitting and posing in all my cosmetic splendor. My experience and qualifications are impeccable, obviously, in every important aspect of life. Fashion, motherhood, politics, copyright infringement, self-promotion, name a field where I’m not an expert. There isn’t one.
Not to brag, but I’ve already written two highly acclaimed, incredibly self-serving books of my own. My latest, Women Who Work: Rewriting the Rules for Success, is a vast collection of platitudes and insipid clichés downloaded from the Internet. For good measure, I tossed in some quotes from women with real accomplishments to their credit. I did an utterly fantastic job as author. It’s not easy to create the definitive guide for all of us beleaguered mothers and wives struggling with household staffs and no grip on reality.
Women’s issues are very important to me, you see. As a senior adviser to the White House, I’ve been a major influence on such things as parental leave and women’s empowerment and closing the gender pay gap. My brief tenure in daddy’s administration has seen the pay gap between male and female White House staffers more than triple, with the typical female staffer now earning 63.2¢ for every $1 earned by the typical male staffer. Whoopsie daisy. Don’t blame me, though, I’m not complicit. I don’t know what that even means. It doesn’t sound good. Is it good?
Doesn’t matter, really. What matters are appearance and perception and Trumps.
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