: I have the most loyal people :

So loyal. I could post the tax code and still draw a yuuuuge crowd of adoring fans. They love me no matter what I do. Just look at the fantastic numbers on my twitter account; I have 35 followers. Do you believe that? Thirty flipping five. And those aren’t fake followers, those aren’t bots. They’re devoted readers, fabulous people who cherish my every word. Including covfefe and unpresidented.

My fans don’t care if I make sense. They don’t mind if my verb tenses agree or if  my claims are preposterous, they worship me. They love the fact I‘m unhinged, it makes me relatable. The crazier I act, the louder they cheer. I make wild assertions — like ‘I drew the biggest crowd ever in history’ or ‘lizard people run public television’ or ‘I’m talented’ — and folks believe me. It’s amazing.

Fact checkers and grammarians are overpaid hacks, anyway. I’m an original; I think for myself and create my own reality. I spell according to whim and believe punctuation is for suckers. ALL CAPS and SUPERLATIVES and EXCLAMATION POINTS are the mark of great intelligence! The fake smarties depend on lame knowledge. They use footnotes and paragraphs, logic, neurons. Sheesh, all I need is 140 characters.    

The important thing is, I’m a winner. All I do is win. Win, win, win, win win, win!!!!!!  Believe me, I know. What I don’t know I just make up. Even words, I make them up, too — mostly by mistake. And they become the most popular words in the world. Everyone uses them, but no one knows what they mean. Except me. I know. I’d tell you, but it’s classified, a major secret, very bigly, so I can’t.

I, alone, am Queen of this vast, sprawling domain, and I make the rules. I do not follow them. Your deep, undying loyalty will, of course, be rewarded with a quick toss under the bus. You’re welcome :o)

copyright © 2017 the whirly girl

21 responses to “: I have the most loyal people :”

  1. My pleasure! K D :)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great tongue and cheek post! Awesome. Incredible – the best I have read regarding well…you know who. K D :)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a terrific comment. Thanks! But to be honest, you know who makes it so easy … 🙃

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Whirly Girl, Yes, he does, but it takes courage to speak your mind, as you did. Thank you. K D

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Holy cow, I’m incredibly flattered K D. Thanks for making my day!

          Like

  3. Now you have 36! Love your humor! 😄😄

    Like

    1. Humor? I’m dead serious 😜

      PS. And thank you!

      Like

  4. Can’t help myself…I’m now at the back of the queue of your adoring fans.

    Like

    1. Bless you! I know how very, really long the line is, but I’m worth it 🤥

      Like

  5. Somebody has to make up words. They don’t grow on trees, you know.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahahah, you’re so right. Thanks for the reminder! 💁🏻

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Maybe your claims are preposterous…
    Who am I to say?
    But your clams… well, that’s how I initially read it… I take a tremendous, bigly exception to preposterous clams…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Bwahahaha!! Okay, where do you come up with this stuff? Can you teach me how? And should I take a Berlitz class in Russian? You know, in case …

      Liked by 1 person

      1. … in case those clams turn out to be true…?

        Liked by 1 person

  7. OH WHAT FUN!!!!!!!!!

    It’s gotta be the whimsy. Who doesn’t love whimsy?

    But now that I think about it, I really don’t know what whimsy is. Must be a bigly mysterion. Hang on a minute while I go check my wordosaurus dex.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Whimsy is perfect. I love that description! Thank you 🙃

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m thinking you are harder to find than you think on twitter. It took a bit of searching but I tracked you down. @WhirlyDame It’s like Whirly Girl grew up and is now a Dame. ;-)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Here’s the thing: I never figured out how to link whirly to twitter, it’s still tied to publikworks. Am I a genius or what? Now you follow both and you’re my very first follower on @whirlydame. Woohoo, got one 🎣

      Liked by 1 person

  9. 😀 Made my day!!!! Love it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And you’ve made mine. Thanks x 1,000,000!

      Liked by 1 person

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