Despite the swagger and braggadocio, Sideshow Don isn’t a linguistic genius. His vocabulary is limited to superlatives and insults. That isn’t inventive, that’s bluster. Sad.
I, however, come up with new words all the time. Great words, tremendous words, the best words ever in history. I guarantee it. But I don’t stop there. Heck, no. I take those fabulous words and put them into sentences — fractured and incomplete, but there’s always a period at the end to make them official. I put one sentence after the other and, voila, a paragraph appears. Next thing you know, pow!, a page.
Maybe we should compare IQ tests, Sideshow and I. I can tell you who’s going to win, though.
Remember covfefe? That wasn’t a new word, it was a typo. Remember unpresidented? A misspelling. Nambia? Bald-faced stoopidity. Fake? That was probably the Germans — late 18th century Germans, at that. So ‘fake’ is 200 years old at least and as passé as Sideshow Don himself. Here’s the thing: words express thought, an activity the President doesn’t endorse or practice. He never thinks, he blurts.
Me? I’m a trendsetter, constantly coming up with new thoughts, not mistakes I try to pass off as secret codes. I’ve raised the English language from outrageous hyperbole to thoughtful discourse with my unique and very stoopendous phraseology. There, see that? Stoopendous is another brand new word. I can’t stop.
Ready for my newest thought? Okay, just the other day I came across a recent photo of Ivana, the ‘real First Lady.’ I looked at her face and I marveled. A thought immediately popped into my head — why did she stick her lips in a pool drain? Yikes, thar she blows, those things are yuuuuuuuuge. Bigly, bigly yuge.
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