: thar she blows :


My head is no longer a head. It’s a teeming cauldron of germs and bacteria, a giant petri dish of contagion. Synapses and neurons are, for all intents and purposes, marinating in a turbid swamp of noxious microorganisms as we speak. Nothing is moving up there, not thoughts, not impulses, not signals. And I’m left to wonder, what’s the capacity of a human skull, anyway? How much fluid can the damn thing hold? Quarts? Gallons? Metric tons?

If I could think I’d do the math, but I can’t. So I did some research, instead, and decided the existing data is laughably, woefully wrong. According to the statistics I found, cranial capacity is in the neighborhood of 1400 cubic centimeters. By converting those cubic centimeters into fluid ounces, we arrive at a volume somewhere around 47± fluid ounces or just under a liter and half.

Are they kidding?

The human head weighs between 8 and 12 pounds, with 10 pounds being the average. The brain, an organ located within the head, accounts for a measly 3-pounds. That leaves a very mysterious 5 to 9 pounds of weight unexplained. What else is up there? Well, I’ll tell you: barrels of stuff, tons. My head, for instance, has become its very own wellspring; not of knowledge, but of phlegm. I don’t need tissues, what I need is a sump pump. Or maybe a bagful of desiccants.

copyright © 2017 the whirly girl

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18 Responses to “: thar she blows :”

  1. Straddle the Turtle

    Interesting! I just returned from helping with grandkids while my daughter recovers from a bad case of vertigo. She said the meds are suppose to dry up the fluid in her ears. She can hardly move her head… Anyway, I’m sorry you’re suffering and am sending healing vibes your way ~ ~ ~

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. stoneyfish

    I once heard of a technique for clearing the sinuses. Blow hard first down one nostril, then switch to the other. It was called the ‘snot buster’. I see from the online oracle that there is now a product with that very name. Yuk!

    P.S. Have you tried it?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • the whirly girl

      Ew, no, I hadn’t heard of that one. I’ve heard of a neti pot, though, which sounds like voluntary waterboarding. I think I’ll just wait it out. Oy🤢

      Like

      Reply
  3. SilkPurseProductions

    Ewwwww, no offence but you sound disgusting. (No worries, we still love you.) I hope you feel better soon. I hate to think of all your amusing thoughts getting all plugged up in there. By the way, I am with you on that neti pot thing. Yuck!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • the whirly girl

      I’m not offended in the least, colds are gross and I hate dealing with them. But the neti pot thing? Oy, way too nasty for me. (Thanks for overlooking this hiccup in decorum …)

      Like

      Reply

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