: how I spent Christmas night :

With a laptop stuck in my pants.

Perhaps you think I’m kidding; I’m not. See, I decided Christmas was an ideal time to do laundry. I’d have the laundry room all to myself. It would be wonderfully peaceful, maybe even offer a little redemption (what with the washing of stains and all), plus I could jam to any music I pleased. I’d not only complete a chore, but dance in the process.

I cheerfully sorted my clothes into two loads — whites and colors — packed them into laundry bags, grabbed the detergent and fabric softener sheets and a handful of quarters. Then, although it was slow to dawn, I realized I’d no third hand to schlep the laptop safely. So I did what any self-respecting genius would do: I stuffed the laptop into the back of my pants. Not only was it a tight fit, it also looked ridiculous, a problem easily solved by pulling my shirt over it. Tada, and off I toddled.

How did I get to be so smart, you wonder. Well, it comes from a lifetime of being single — you learn to invent new and unorthodox ways to manage on your own. I can, in fact, haul impressive quantities of household goods hither and yon, things like groceries, cleaning supplies and appliances. I can also fall off  ladders, trip circuit breakers, mow lawns, paint ceilings, shuttle furniture like a plow horse and look completely ill-suited to every task.

The laptop in the pants trick is just the latest example of my do-it-yourself inclinations. Except, this time, I couldn’t do it myself. After loading the washers, I couldn’t get the laptop out, it was trapped in my pants. I couldn’t wiggle it out; I couldn’t yank it free; I couldn’t pull or push; I couldn’t sit down or breathe, either. Turns out, it’s impossible to get a good hold on anything behind you, especially something with no handle wedged inside a waistband. I twisted and contorted myself into unnatural positions seeking a better angle, but to no avail.

I was forced to admit defeat and seek assistance. My go-to responder, the office, was closed. The halls were deserted. Even the parking lot was empty. I was certain I’d die, felled by a laptop cutting off my breath and my circulation — my hips had long ago gone numb. I leaned against a wall to rest.

Long story short, a stranger did, finally, come to my rescue. Oddly enough, she didn’t seem surprised or incredulous or the least bit curious. No, she acted as if pulling a laptop out of someone’s pants was common practice. I adore such people — the ones who don’t get all sniffy when confronting stoopidity.

copyright © 2017 the whirly girl


43 Responses to “: how I spent Christmas night :”

  1. aintwegotitmade

    That’s a very, very amusing image. Of course, it’s a totally obvious place to put a laptop when both hands are full. And it was clearly entirely safe and secure. Soo…not stoopid, IMO. I would probably have put it one of the laundry bags and then into a 60 degree wash cycle.

    Liked by 2 people

    • the whirly girl

      It sure seemed obvious, until I tried to remove it. The question that keeps nagging me is: why was it so easy to put it there? Shouldn’t that have been just as difficult?

      I really like your wash cycle idea, I’ll save that little stunt for New Year’s :o)


  2. AnnaTheCoffeeAddict

    Maybe the wiggling you did counted as dancing. On the bright side then, following that line of logic, you at least got one thing done on your to-do list! Cheers, and I hope you had a happy holidays!! :)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. kingekems

    Well, as hilarious as that sounds, I must say, it’s great it didn’t ruin Christmas for you (unlike some of us who cried ourselves to sleep). Nonetheless, you just made my morning. Yay!

    Liked by 1 person


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