Year: 2017
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: the truly incredible sideshow don :
By incredible, I mean unbelievable. And, by unbelievable, I mean preposterous. The dude — and I want proof a Y chromosome exists in that womanly, full-figured body — has the weighty gravitas of an infomercial pitchman. When he speaks, caveat emptor becomes the all-inclusive caveat mankind. Donald Trump is a liar, flagrant and pathological. What’s…
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: bursting with thanks or something :
Please bear with me, I’m dopey from tryptophan. Dopey and sleepy and deeply regretting my choice of pants. They fit so nicely when I put them on this morning, now they’re a tool of the devil. I can’t breathe, I can’t bend, I’m as overfilled as a parade balloon. Stand back, ladies and gentlemen, I could…
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: a day for puttering :
Oy, such a miserable morning to walk a dog. A streaming rain fell as traffic hissed on wet, puddled pavement. It was windy and it was cold; raindrops landed like icy shrapnel. The sky was a grim, leaking canopy of despair, utterly cheerless. Nevertheless, there we were, plashing along a marshy sidewalk. I, as you…
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: thar she blows :
My head is no longer a head. It’s a teeming cauldron of germs and bacteria, a giant petri dish of contagion. Synapses and neurons are, for all intents and purposes, marinating in a turbid swamp of noxious microorganisms as we speak. Nothing is moving up there, not thoughts, not impulses, not signals. And I’m left…
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: goodbye daylight saving time :
Great, if we’re turning back the clocks, then I’ll fall back, too. I’ll return to an old trick I haven’t used in a while: the use of clever and hilarious quotations from clever, hilarious people. They’re hugely entertaining and require no effort on my part. Frankly, copying and pasting is about all I can manage…
the whirly girl 