Technically, I had a father. Sperm donor is a more accurate term, but it raises questions and requires explanation, so father it is.
My parents, you see, divorced when I was 13 and I hardly noticed. My dad was never a prominent figure in my day-to-day because he had other priorities. Big, important things like golf, work, business travel, women. The one memorable role he played was telling me my grandfather had died and Iāve still not forgiven him. It wasnāt my dadās fault, he didnāt kill him or anything, but the news opened a hole that refuses to close.
I was at the pool, intent on surviving a ruthless game of Sharks and Minnows when I was paged to the 
phone. Even though the timing stunk, I hauled myself out of the water and sploshed to the telephone expecting my mother to say come home for dinner. Instead, it was my dad. Now, this was a clear breach of protocol. Heād no right bossing me around, he was an interloper, so I put up a fight.
I lost, yes, but I didnāt surrender — I took my own sweet time going. I sauntered; I dawdled; I frittered and loitered and lollygagged; I checked the woods for stray tennis balls.Ā¹ Eventually, I gave up and pedaled my bike home the long way. When I got there, though, my father was the only one in the house and my sensors went on full alert. Something was terribly, horribly wrong.
It canāt be easy telling a kid their champion is gone. Iām sure he did his best and tried to cushion the blow, but my father was a stranger to me in many respects. What I wanted was my mother. Where was my mother? Panic mounted in my chest and I was having trouble containing it. My mom, he said, was with my grandmother. I demanded to be taken to her.
My grandparentsā house was filled with somber faces and hushed voices. Clusters of people were gathered in the livingroom, ladies bustled in the kitchen, food packed the dining room, and I searched for the only comfort I knew. When I at last clapped eyes on my mother, my heart broke apart. The sorrow and hurt exploded like a thunderstorm; my grandfather, a man who was my moon and stars, had died. On Fatherās Day.
For me, this a weird day of complicated emotions. So rather than dwell, I celebrate my dear old mom. After all, she was both mother and father, as well as my greatest friend and a really good audience. She was also comically inept as a disciplinarian. Whenever she tried to issue a command or look menacing, it was nothing short of hilarious. Iād point and laugh and go my merry way. Those were good times.
So, happy Fatherās Day, you big fiercy.
copyright Ā© 2018 the whirly girl
Ā¹Ā Loafed just like I did all last week, which left me no choice but to reblog a post from last year. Sorry. I’ll try to do better next time. Note I used the word try, which is no guarantee I’ll succeed. Just that, sure, I’ll try.
the whirly girl 
27 responses to “: happy father’s day, mom :”
I understand what you would have faced. and trust me I’m proud of you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank youā£ļø
LikeLike
This must have left a permanent pain of parting hence must be celebrated since mothers are gold even when her departure was on special day for fathers. Note that the father is also a major casualty.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, I appeciate your thoutfulness :o)
LikeLike
[…] via : happy fatherās day, mom : ā the whirly girl […]
LikeLike
Powerful and honest ā¦ I suppose many real relationships cut across conventional ones, perhaps transcend the stereotypes. Don’t know if that makes sense but your post got me thinking ā¦ :)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thatās incredibly deep and now your comment has got me thinking. Thank you, Dave :o]
LikeLiked by 1 person
Is any family normal? Great post
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so muchā¼ļø And to answer your question, nope. Not a one š
LikeLike
I am glad you loafed and reposted this as I didn’t follow you this time last year. Happy Father’s Day to your mom! It’s a odd day really for so many of us whether due to absence, death or in my case a sheer inability to have a close relationship. I like to focus on the relationships I do have too ā¤
LikeLiked by 1 person
See? I knew there was a reason to publish this again. It was for you. Family is such a complicated business, donāt you think? You love them, usually, but oyā£ļø
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah now I feel extra special š Complicated describes my family perfectly. I love some of them….
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are extra specialā£ļø And me, too, some of them …
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love how you describe your Grandfather. He obviously was your “Father” figure as a youngster. There weren’t really any when I was a kid. No Grandfathers and I didn’t meet my sperm donor until I was 27. It’s wonderful he gave you “a man who was your moon and stars” to hold in your heart always.
LikeLiked by 1 person
He was one authority figure whose approval I tried to gain. I wanted him to be proud. The rest of them, teachers and bosses and the like, were just such boobs. I never met the other grandfather, but I doubt he wouldāve measured up. We muddle through the best we can, right?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right!
LikeLiked by 1 person
:o)
LikeLike
Hush…. Makes me think… Should I write my absentee father a poem and send it to him with your title?….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmm, well, depends. If youāre trying to start an honest conversation with him, sure. If you want to insult him, um, maybe not. But you do whatever works best for you š
LikeLike
I can never insult my father. just to make him realize what I am missing. I just want this father figure, that’s all… hope it comes out well
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, I wish the same for you :o)
LikeLike
Sometimes I wonder about coincidental deaths, such as your grandfather passing on Father’s Day. I’m glad you got through it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I did. And it actually seems kind of fitting now. Iād be thinking of him on Fatherās Day, anyway, so today is in his honorā£ļø
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is the most heart breaking tale, Iām pleased you got to your mom in the end. Dealing with the death of a parent is never easy so I bet she was glad you were there.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I did and she was. The resilience of humans, in my unsolicited opinion, is nothing short of amazing. We all carry on, no matter what.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Iām glad you were lazy, because I loved reading this again. Especially on Fatherās Day.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Summer has a way of draining my motivation, you know? I canāt think when the sunās shining, I can only play. So Iām relieved you werenāt disappointed š
LikeLiked by 1 person