: the weight of the undone :

Do I look shorter? I feel shorter. And dog-tired. Not from working, but from shirking. I haven’t so much as lifted a finger lately. Therefore, I’m staring straight into a growing mountain of drudgery (dishes and laundry and vacuuming, etc.)  and all I want to do is crawl in bed and close my eyes. At least then I won’t have to look at the overwhelming mess.

I did make some unexpected progress this morning, I replaced the empty cardboard tube with a new roll of toilet paper. That was encouraging, that burst of energy. It was also short-lived. The effort sapped my strength for everything but making coffee. However, the kitchen is utter pandemonium — dirty dishes and crusty Stouffer’s trays, sticky countertops — so I drank it in the dining room. In there, I’m only in danger of being crushed by tall, tippy stacks of papers and magazines, unopened junk mail and hard copies of posts.

What has gotten into me? Why have I let things slide like this? Normally, I’m a neat freak, emphasis on freak, so this is completely out of character. Should I be worried? Or is this, maybe, possibly, a good sign? Perhaps I’m becoming more comfortable with disarray? You think?

Nah. I’m just disgusted with the weather and with reality and with life, in general, so I’m in a big snit.

It snowed on Friday, you know. Snowed. In October. I’d been teetering on the edge of despair for weeks, white-knuckled and tense, but hanging tight. Then, shooooom, billions of snowflakes fell out of the sky and, @%$#, that did it. I let go and toppled straight into depression. So, yeah, I’ve let myself go.  I’m in the same baggy-kneed sweatpants, I haven’t showered, I’m eating ice cream out of the carton, and I’m hiding from the world. Plus, the place is a dump.

One more day of this and, trust me, I’ll run screaming for the vacuum cleaner and Clorox wipes. Being compulsive does have its upside.

copyright © 2018 the whirly girl

20 thoughts on “: the weight of the undone :

  1. When my washing up starts breeding, it’s a sure sign that my mood is less than its usual sunny self (*well sunny for me). Like you I know soon my compulsion for tidiness will kick in and sort me out. Sometime anxiety is a useful ally against depression…


  2. I could use some of that compulsive stuff myself when it comes to cleaning. Unfortunately, right now it is just too freakin’ beautiful outside to stay here and clean. Yeah, it’s a little chilly but when the sun shines on the flourescently decorated trees it is magnificent. This has been one of the best years for the annual colour show. Ask me in a couple of weeks when all that’s left is barren brown branches left and it is freakin’ cold and I will buried under those crusty food containers too.

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  3. I’m going through this right now , it’s a struggle alright but don’t let your mind control your actions, it should in fact be the other way.. make an action even if you don’t feel like it, the mind usually follows. Hope all will be well soon 🦋🦋❤️

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        1. That’s what I’m trying to convince myself, it’s probably meaningless. But I don’t trust me, I know what a liar I am. Always putting a happy face on catastrophe. I’ll be fine once I get used to the idea of winter again. 🤢

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