: remain calm :

A good laugh is what we need about now, right? I know I do, I’m anxious and fretful and tense. The election is Tuesday, you know, and the consequences couldn’t be bigger. They’re yuge. Bigly yuge, possibly catastrophic. All we can do is cast our ballots, hope for the best, and treat ourselves to a pitcher of margaritas afterwards.

But let’s not think about the election, let’s be lighthearted and carefree as long as we can. I started months ago by distracting myself with juvenile behavior and childish stunts. Just yesterday I was cleaning the apartment and decided to toss out some aging mylar balloons. There were three — a blue, a silver, a purple — and they hung low, hovering around doorknob level. I was tired of bumping into them, frankly.

Then I had a brainy idea: I punctured a balloon with a box cutter, inhaled the helium, and sang Tainted Love to the dog. Her ears went flat and she bolted under the bed. I laughed like a Minion. The helium wore off, of course, and my voice returned to normal, so she crept back out, but kept her distance. I punctured a second one and sang You Are My Sunshine. Zip, back under the bed, more laughing like a Minion.

This would’ve gone all week if I’d had enough balloons, but I don’t. So I went to the library, instead, and picked up Springfield Confidential: Jokes, Secrets, and Outright Lies from a Lifetime Writing for The Simpsons by Mike Reiss. I leafed through it quickly (‘Nerve Gas Is Not a Toy’) and, yep, it will be my salvation. The book is hilarious and entertaining and a welcome refuge. If you need me, that’s where I’ll be hiding.

Before I go, I did a google search and found some stoopid, mindless jokes (my favorite kind) so you can laugh, too.



See? I’m always looking for ways to be helpful. You’re welcome. Now, go be brave and stand up for America.

copyright © 2018 the whirly girl

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19 Responses to “: remain calm :”

      • Straddle the Turtle

        You’d swear I’M a whack job if you could witness how I speak and sing to Roxy & Ringo. It’s like I’m rehearsing for dramatic stage work or opera or whatever happens to come forth. They just ignore my babble unless they detect anything that sounds like “walk” “potty” “out” “treat” (those words are music to their ears 😬 🎶

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
  1. Straddle the Turtle

    By the way, I referenced You are My Sunshine for a painting a couple years ago. I was surprised to learn the full lyrics are a bit dark. I have a version by Carly Simon that’s nice 😊

    Like

    Reply
  2. stoneyfish

    And for your further entertainment, here’s a little wordplay …

    “It’s the most stupendous dessert in the whole wide world”, said Mary, exaggerating a trifle.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • the whirly girl

      It was! It was also a huge, huge relief. I didn’t want to believe Americans are gullible enough to fall for all the preposterous nonsense going on in DC. At least some balance has been restored and the investigations can begin. phew

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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