A good laugh is what we need about now, right? I know I do, I’m anxious and fretful and tense. The election is Tuesday, you know, and the consequences couldn’t be bigger. They’re yuge. Bigly yuge, possibly catastrophic. All we can do is cast our ballots, hope for the best, and treat ourselves to a pitcher of margaritas afterwards.
But let’s not think about the election, let’s be lighthearted and carefree as long as we can. I started months ago by distracting myself with juvenile behavior and childish stunts. Just yesterday I was cleaning the apartment and decided to toss out some aging mylar balloons. There were three — a blue, a silver, a purple — and they hung low, hovering around doorknob level. I was tired of bumping into them, frankly.
Then I had a brainy idea: I punctured a balloon with a box cutter, inhaled the helium, and sang Tainted Love to the dog. Her ears went flat and she bolted under the bed. I laughed like a Minion. The helium wore off, of course, and my voice returned to normal, so she crept back out, but kept her distance. I punctured a second one and sang You Are My Sunshine. Zip, back under the bed, more laughing like a Minion.
This would’ve gone all week if I’d had enough balloons, but I don’t. So I went to the library, instead, and picked up Springfield Confidential: Jokes, Secrets, and Outright Lies from a Lifetime Writing for The Simpsons by Mike Reiss. I leafed through it quickly (‘Nerve Gas Is Not a Toy’) and, yep, it will be my salvation. The book is hilarious and entertaining and a welcome refuge. If you need me, that’s where I’ll be hiding.
Before I go, I did a google search and found some stoopid, mindless jokes (my favorite kind) so you can laugh, too.
See? I’m always looking for ways to be helpful. You’re welcome. Now, go be brave and stand up for America.
copyright © 2018 the whirly girl
the whirly girl 
19 responses to “: remain calm :”
what’d you end up thinking of the results? haha well there are some recounts still goin’ on but yeah it was a pretty exciting/nerve-racking time
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It was! It was also a huge, huge relief. I didn’t want to believe Americans are gullible enough to fall for all the preposterous nonsense going on in DC. At least some balance has been restored and the investigations can begin. phew
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Agreed! I feel a bit more at ease now, and I’m also more interested in politics than ever before! Will be keeping a stern eye on all things.
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I’d like to go back to trusting the government and forget about politics altogether, but I doubt that will happen. Still, it’s good to dream 🙂
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Great jokes – yours as well as the ones at the end. The day after the Midterms I wrote the following, if I may be allowed some cheeky product placement … https://davekingsbury.wordpress.com/2018/11/07/halfway-there-a-story-in-100-words/
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You may. The midterms are the gift that keeps on giving, a number of elections have yet to be called. Arizona, for instance. And Florida. The GOP is apoplectic, the poor dears.
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And for your further entertainment, here’s a little wordplay …
“It’s the most stupendous dessert in the whole wide world”, said Mary, exaggerating a trifle.
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Oh, I love that. Only you would have something that perfect up your sleeve❣️
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By the way, I referenced You are My Sunshine for a painting a couple years ago. I was surprised to learn the full lyrics are a bit dark. I have a version by Carly Simon that’s nice 😊
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You know, I may have the same version. Is it from ‘Into White?’
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Yes! My doggies love that album 🐶🐶
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Sparky’s a fan of Cheap Trick. Explain that one.
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🤣
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Thanks for the additional laughs, but you had me at the helium balloons 🤣
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Oh, phew! I thought that was fun, but then I started worrying I’m turning into a whack job 😬
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You’d swear I’M a whack job if you could witness how I speak and sing to Roxy & Ringo. It’s like I’m rehearsing for dramatic stage work or opera or whatever happens to come forth. They just ignore my babble unless they detect anything that sounds like “walk” “potty” “out” “treat” (those words are music to their ears 😬 🎶
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That’s my daily routine. The dog considers me an embarrassment and hates being seen with me. It’s very hurtful when we’re out walking.
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Thanks for the smiles today)
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You’re very welcome. Let’s smile tomorrow, too, no matter what the outcome. Or try to.
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