Year: 2018
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: my kingdom for a woodpecker’s tongue :
A woodpecker bashes its head into a tree up to 20 times per second or somewhere around 12,000 times a day, give or take. Not softly, either, but at speeds of 13 to 15 miles an hour. Try that once and see if you enjoy the sensation. I’m kidding, the impact would kill you; it’s…
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: remain calm :
A good laugh is what we need about now, right? I know I do, I’m anxious and fretful and tense. The election is Tuesday, you know, and the consequences couldn’t be bigger. They’re yuge. Bigly yuge, possibly catastrophic. All we can do is cast our ballots, hope for the best, and treat ourselves to a…
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: the annual fall panic :
Is there a name for the extreme fear of being cold? Yes, it’s called frigophobia and is a condition from which I suffer. I assure you, suffer is the appropriate word, as it’s both debilitating and expensive. Frankly, I’d rather be hungry, tired, itchy, achy, sweaty, swollen, chapped, chafed, anything but cold. Or even chilled.…
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: the weight of the undone :
Do I look shorter? I feel shorter. And dog-tired. Not from working, but from shirking. I haven’t so much as lifted a finger lately. Therefore, I’m staring straight into a growing mountain of drudgery (dishes and laundry and vacuuming, etc.) and all I want to do is crawl in bed and close my eyes. At least…
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: fashion tips for the unfashionable :
Every morning is the same confrontation with the same dilemma: what am I going to wear? While a sheer delight to some, this conundrum is a tedious chore for most of us. The haut monde, for instance, factor in the season and trends, textures and fabric, color matching, accessorizing, a slew of niggling, but —…
the whirly girl 