I know, it’s a football game. A weird, lopsided ball and a bunch of guys in helmets and pads knocking each other down. Touchdowns and end zones and field goals. I get all that. What I don’t understand is the fascination. Why? What’s so interesting about watching one guy run away from another guy? Is it because he has a dumb ball, is that it?
How much finesse is required to shove somebody to the ground? Heck, I could do that. As long as they’re smaller and don’t see me coming. And what’s with the ‘we’ business? Fans strut around saying ‘we’ as if they’re a member of the team. You know, ‘we’ kicked their ass. ‘We’ need a tight end. ‘We’ nothing, you sit at home drinking beer and yelling at the television. Period.
Golf is another sport I don’t get. I’m with Twain on this one, his viewpoint being golf is ‘a good walk spoiled.’ I mean, come on, grown men whack a little white ball then chase it, hit it again, chase it some more, and just keep whacking and chasing until the ball rolls into a hole. That’s fun? Crowds of people stand around and watch this nonsense. Jiminy Christmas, how bored do they have to be? Why aren’t there big crowds at tiddlywinks? Same thing, smaller scale.
Okay, I realize I’m talking to myself here, because the entire free world is glued to a television screen watching the Patriots and the Rams fall down and get back up. See that? The fact I even know what teams are playing proves there’s too much coverage. This isn’t information I need or want, it was forced on me. Please, for the love of God, don’t let there be a disputed call or a controversial play. I’ll pull a Van Gogh, I will, I’ll tear my ears off so I won’t have to listen to all the bellyaching. I don’t want to, but I will if I have to.
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