Me. Rich. This is not a joke.
I’ve amassed a big, fat, disgusting fortune by scrimping and saving whenever and wherever I could. With careful budgeting, cutting corners here, trimming spending there, and acting the tight-fisted miser, I managed to stash away quite a bundle. And now, today, I’m cashing in. I have an entire day to spend any way I want; it’s mine, all mine. Ka-ching, jackpot!
Oh-oh-oh, I get it, you thought I meant money rich. Ew, no. I’m talking about time, the greatest, most luxurious commodity there is. And I have a ton of it on my hands this afternoon and evening. A ton. I’m practically rolling in minutes and hours; I’m loaded with the stuff; I reek of idle moments, frankly. They’re mine to spend as I see fit. So, ha, I’m out of here. Adios, you poor things.
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