: a motherless mother’s day :

This one is #25 and you know what? They haven’t gotten much easier. Every Mother’s Day is a reminder, as if I needed one; I’m an orphan. No, it doesn’t come as a shock, but it’s an unwelcome reality. So for half of every May, like clockwork, I disappear into myself. I pull in the welcome mat, close the drapes, lock the door, and hide in a darkness I’ve come to know very well. Metaphorically-speaking, anyway.

December is, oh, so much worse. There’s my mother’s birthday, quickly followed by the anniversary of her death, and Christmas, of course, bursts in on the 25th. It’s a cavalcade of sorrow. Throw in the cold, dark, snowy weather and it’s a wonder I make it out alive. Seriously, December is nothing short of brutal.

Well, buck up, right? Right. Time to recalculate.

I cannot afford to lose a month and a half out of every twelve or 16% (+ / -) of the year sloshing around in sadness. That’s a careless, wasteful misuse of time. That point was made yesterday when I heard Bonnie Raitt cautioning against the evils of wallowing in her song, Nick of Time:

🎶 When did the choices get so hard
With so much more at stake
Life gets mighty precious
When there’s less of it to waste 🎵

And it’s true. My dear old mom was younger than I am when she passed away, so I clearly need to snap out of this and get on with things. Besides, I’ll have plenty to regret on my death bed, adding to the list at this late date seems like piling on. Since I’m pretty good at using funny as a weapon against despair, I’ll hide behind that and quit being such a baby. After all, I’m a hoot. Really. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you I could make my mother laugh until she couldn’t breathe.

She was a sucker for any story that involved falling down. Her favorite was the time I described mowing the lawn. How I’d zipped along behind the old Toro, stepped into a gopher hole, lost my footing,  stumbled backwards into traffic, and got winged by a passing car. By the end, she was laughing so hard she couldn’t talk or breathe. The phone line was utterly silent for long, long seconds until I heard a soft * click * followed by the dial tone. I smiled in smug triumph.

The story was an outrageous lie, of course, but not out of character; I’m notoriously clumsy. Over the years, I’ve acquired a little tribe of kind, awesome, good-natured friends I consider my family. They just don’t think I’m as funny as I do, but they like me anyway. Besides, no one can roll their eyes with the same panache as my mom, although one has a level gaze that could stop a bullet

copyright © 2019 the whirly girl

17 responses to “: a motherless mother’s day :”

  1. There have been so many times you and I have “clicked” but this may be the foundation for them all. I have always been exactly the same way around Mother’s Day, for the exact same reason. My other lost time is March, not December, and it was my 12th birthday followed by her death. She was 42. I have out lived her by 20 years. I hope can follow in your footsteps about the whole wallowing thing.
    Oh, by the way, you know I think you are hysterical!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know, you were on my mind as I did this one. I’ve never been able to shake the image of you sitting by your mother’s grave as a kid and talking to her. I can’t imagine the strength it took to get through at such a young age. I don’t think I could’ve. I was old and my mother’s death cratered me. So, you, my friend, are my hero❣️

      And, just fyi, I think you’re a hoot, as well 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love that you made your mom laugh. Good for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was kind of my job. If I got her laughing I knew there was nothing to be afraid of, it was the home version of risk assessment :o)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You eased some of her stress. You can feel really really good about that ❣️

        Liked by 1 person

        1. All right, I will, thank you❣️ Now, let me relieve some of yours: Where’d You Go, Bernadette? by Maria Semple. Have you read it? It’s wonderful, I promise

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thanks! Looking forward to it 🤓

            Liked by 1 person

  3. I lost my dad several decades ago…but I still have my mum…in her nineties and still very kind and funny…so lucky.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, you are. I envy you 🤗


  4. I am so very sorry…………you mom sounds like she is quite an amazing woman.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aw, thanks 🤗 You know, she was a mom and I honestly, wholeheartedly believe they’re all amazing women. They make the world a better place for all of us. Yay, them❣️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ahhh………that is so sweet! being a mom is a very hard job. :)

        Liked by 1 person

        1. That’s one reason I admire them, but there are hundreds. They’re amazing people 👸🏻

          Liked by 1 person

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