: I’m not an egg :


But I took a beating all the same. The wind is at it again and I’m starting to get really annoyed. It doesn’t stop blowing. Ever. It whistles and howls like a train all hours of the day and night. 

This morning I walked down to the riverfront, which is much closer than it used to be thanks to the recent flooding. In a massive, all out effort to limit the water damage, the city filled and piled many thousands of sandbags and they were surprisingly successful. But now that the water’s receding, sand is everywhere — sidewalks, parking lots, streets, the air. Everything is gritty with sand.

Suddenly, the wind picked up. And when I say picked up, I don’t mean breezy, I mean gale force. The dog and I were battered around, shoved from pillar to post, pushed hither and yon. We skipped along with the graceful, fluid gait of two drunks. In other words, we lurched. Sometimes violently. The river, itself, churned with white caps. My eyes literally popped at that spectacle. I mean, come on, white caps? On the Illinois River? The water is closer to a solid than a liquid. So the wind clearly meant business.

Then, out of nowhere and for no reason, I was sandblasted. Stabbed by billions of grains of sand traveling at the speed of sound. And I was wearing shorts, so it hurt. A lot. There I was, struggling mightily to stand my ground, while I endured a free full-body exfoliation. In a matter of seconds, layers of dead skin cells were blown right off my body. I’ve been peeled from head to toe and my shorts got a good stonewashing.

The dog and I, we don’t go for walks anymore. Nope. We go outside, sure, but instead of walking I fly her like a kite. She has her own tail, you know. I should start wearing ankle weights or fill my pockets with quarters. With my balance, I’m afraid this is an accident waiting to happen. 

Then I tell myself to snap out of it, the weird weather anomalies are just a hoax.

copyright © 2019 the whirly girl

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8 Responses to “: I’m not an egg :”

  1. SilkPurseProductions

    People spend good money for that kind of exfoliation. Mother Nature and non existent global warming obliged “on the House”. Of course with out the weights you may end up actually on top of the house.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. Straddle the Turtle

    Your description of the river reminds me of when we taught the kids to water ski there. We’d gun the boat, speed up quick to pop them out of the water & they’d be cover with mud – even their faces! We used to laugh hysterically about this.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • the whirly girl

      Now, in addition to Chicago’s sewage, the river has Asian Carp. So water skiers and boaters are coated with slime while they bat away at big, leaping fish. So, see? It’s even more hilarious now 😂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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