: happy anniversary to me :


Me! Got that? Me, the whirly girl, Queen of All I Survey.

Today marks the third anniversary of my Very Great and Momentous Bicycle Crash. On this date in 2016, I, valiantly and without thought for my personal safety, sped straight into a concrete wall and suffered many grave and critical injuries in the process: punctured lung, broken bones, head injury, multiple contusions and lacerations. Stretchers rolled and I became the epicenter of lavish attention.

A devoted crowd promptly assembled and treated me with the kind of reverence only I can inspire. I was stripped of my ordinary street clothes and quickly begowned; IV bags were raised and hung; I was carried hither and yon by a phalanx of supporters — incised, intubated, stapled, and bandaged. Over the course of the next 9 days I was celebrated and catered to as never before in history. I lounged in glory and my lung became as inflated as my ego.

So today, you see, is in my honor. Not America’s. The fireworks are for me. The salutes. The weaponry. All for me and me alone. Don’t you forget it. Well, you can try, but I’ll just keep reminding you.

Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Here’s to me, everyone!

Copyright © 2019 the whirly girl