: a bad, bad, terrible impression :


The dog, bless her heart, isn’t terribly bright. She’s trusting, though, and that’s to her everlasting detriment. I sometimes use her naiveté for entertainment purposes: she’ll fall for anything.

My newest and most ambitious scam to date is pretending to be Julia Child. Now, anyone who knows me — even a little — knows I can’t cook. It’s also interesting to note I’m not 6 feet tall, a television personality, or an author, and if you try to put me in an apron I’ll cry. However, Julia Child and I are both Leos. Plus, I do a zealous, wholehearted impersonation. Them’s my qualifications.

Well, I had to do something. The dog is a picky eater. She wants fine, table-ready cuisine only, nothing canned or bagged or preserved. And in a clean bowl. (Who doesn’t, right?) Unfortunately, I don’t have the skills or the attention span to prepare fancy meals for a dog, so I started pretending. I give an elaborate play-by-play of my preparations and then misrepresent the ingredients. I call the gloppy liquid in the pouches ‘au jus’ and the dry food ‘croutons’ and use distinctly culinary terms to describe what I’m doing. I’m not stirring and dumping, I’m whisking and folding.

She watches and sniffs, looks skeptical, but reluctantly surrenders. Oh, my little lounge act isn’t all that convincing, but she goes along with it. Kind of like you, bless your hearts, go along with my impersonation of a writer. Thank you and my sincere apologies.

copyright © 2017 the whirly girl

Advertisements

8 Responses to “: a bad, bad, terrible impression :”

  1. stoneyfish

    Out cat is even more dumb than your dog. Sometimes we just stir the leftovers in her bowl and she thinks we’ve provided fresh food for her. We still love her, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. Dave Kingsbury

    Ah well, all the world’s a stage, I hear … I’m going to pretend I’m a success in front of my cat … the inevitable being ignored will be good for my character!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a Reply to Dave Kingsbury Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Basic HTML is allowed. Your email address will not be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: