: the whirly brand :

Everyone is a brand, have you noticed? Oprah is a brand. Apple is a brand, Nike, Beyoncé, Homer Simpson — they’re all big, fancy brands, the kind people clamor to be associated with. Well, here’s a news flash: I’m a brand, too. I am the whirly girl, an unknown, unheralded, largely ignored presence in the rarified world of influencers. 

For good reason, too: my brand is built on whim rather than strategy. A strong resistance to convention is also a problem. I’m not fashionable or trendy or hip and I prefer a low profile, since it’s less embarrassing when the flameouts come — which they do. Plus, I prefer the ridiculous to the sensible every time. And that, in a nutshell, is the whirly brand. Perhaps you can see why I haven’t gone viral.

But this is the Internet, after all, a sprawling venue with somewhere in the neighborhood of 1.7 billion websites clogging the bandwidth. And, hello, what’s this? Why, it’s you, you’re here reading my silly, inconsequential blog. Not one of the other 1,699,999,999 ± sites, but this one right here. Imagine that. A real, live, honest-to-goodness reader showed up. Maybe a few. While that’s a straight up miracle and an honor, it’s also a big, fat mystery.

What in the the world would possess a person of your stoopendous intellect and discerning nature to stop in? Was it a dare? Did you lose a bet? Are you slumming? Never mind, doesn’t matter. You’re here and my faith in mankind has been restored. Thank you and I hope you’ll make a similar error in judgment next time I publish an ill-conceived idea. You’re totally awesome, by the way, and deserve way better. I’ll work harder to deliver exactly that. Soon. Possibly. Stand by …

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