It’s a nightmare.
Last night, while the world slept peacefully in their beds, zillions of snowflakes got together and stormed out of the sky. By daylight, they’d buried everything in sight in a fat, wet, heavy, deep blanket of horrifying. Conditions forced me to spend 40 long, pissed off minutes of my morning unearthing the car from its snowy tomb. 40 damn minutes. Forty — 4, oh! My hands will never be the same again. Who wears gloves in October? I don’t. I won’t.
I’d planned to wear my Halloween costume, to be honest — a dress. With heels and panty hose, the whole enchilada — a get-up guaranteed to scare the bejeebers out of everyone. But nope, not now. I’ve reverted to sweat pants and wool socks and a scowling face.
You know, this whole Chinese hoax thing has gotten way out of hand. They really need to quit fooling us with these weird, unpredictable, horrifying weather patterns. Park the blizzards and raging wildfires and endless flooding in DC, let the geniuses there deal with them. Those dudes’re just sitting around on their useless asses doing nothing. Well, nothing legal, anyway.
happy halloween, everyone
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