There’s a school of thought that says women over the age of 50 become invisible to society. The theory being, when a woman’s looks start to fade, she’s neither useful nor of interest and, therefore, she’s ignored. Instead of feeling insulted, I was tickled pink.
You see, I’ve spent a lifetime getting caught and / or looking suspicious. Attention, in my experience, isn’t something to be desired. I honestly hoped advancing age would be a free pass to a brave new world of shenanigans. It wasn’t. People still see me and I want you to quit it. I’ve had it up to here with being eyeballed. Turn your heads once in a while, would you? Look away. Give me a chance to pull a stunt or two, to look clumsy and stoopid and batty, okay?
Security cameras are now the very bane of my existence. My apartment building has them; the grocery store has them; the library, the ATM, street corners, and now even doorbells. No matter what we do or where we go, our every move is being filmed. I can’t fall down or run into a mailbox without someone noticing. I can’t go outside in pajamas. I can’t dance along the sidewalk belting out Flirtin’ With Disaster. Oh, no. My hair has to be combed, my shoes have to match. I need to appear normal. Sheesh, it’s incredibly stressful — not to mention downright impossible.
Could I, please, have a little privacy? If that’s too much to ask, I’ll settle for never seeing any actual footage of my odd self. Or hearing that you’ve spotted me on the security monitor.
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