Has anyone noticed how everyday life has taken on the vibe of a gruesome nature show? I mean, here it is, just another day in the neighborhood. You’re hard at it, going about your business, doing this and doing that, dashing hither and dashing yon, when you pass a bush and whomp! A huge hairy mouth with sharp, pointy teeth shoots out and grabs you in a bloody ambush. Or you’re enjoying a cool, leisurely sip of water at the swamp’s edge when a huge dripping mouth with razor-like teeth lunges up from the depths and traps you in a bloody nightmare.
What have we ever done to deserve such a cruel fate?
But that’s life in these United States nowadays. Except the beasts are our own politicians and they’re determined to snatch our dear, old democracy from us. Every day brings another bombshell of one kind or another: more lies, deeper corruption, greater cruelties, harsher injustices. It’s unending and incredibly disheartening. So I’m unplugging. I’m going to find myself an elevator with piped in muzak and hang out there until I’m ready to face the world again.
You may be wondering why? Why now? I’ll tell you why: the State of the Union Address. It’s coming up. I won’t watch. I can’t watch. I’d rather gouge my eyes out with a melon baller and puncture my eardrums with a Q-Tip, I swear to God I would. But I need to see and hear in order to navigate my little life, so I’ll flee to safety inside a quiet steel box that gently rises and falls and serenades me with calming, unobjectionable music, instead. If you happen to see me, be sure to say hi. But no spoilers, please.
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