: dumb coping strategies :

Like every person in the world, I’m bored stiff. You can only pick dog hair off your socks for so long, you know. The weather doesn’t even try to help. This early in springtime it’s a crapshoot — one day it’s warm and sunny, the next few are cold and bleak and ferociously windy. Oh, I’ll go out in it, but only because of the dog and only with reluctance. I just don’t enjoy getting shoved around by brutal, piercing wind. It’s not like you can see it coming and brace yourself. Heck, no. You won’t hear it coming, either. Wind gusts are nature’s sucker punch. They come out of nowhere and frog-march you right off the sidewalk into a street of heavy, fast-moving traffic, dragging a little white dog behind you. I hate that.

Other than dodging cars, though, there’s not much to do. I’ve exhausted my patience with twitter and text messaging. My mind is too unsettled for books. Ditto for movies. The news, of course, is to be avoided at all costs. I’m tired of staring at a computer screen. Everything’s been sprayed and wiped and disinfected a billion times, but here’s a fun fact: the butter on the kitchen counter is coated with a thin layer of Clorox Clean-Up. M-m-m, buttery Clorox Clean-Up.

I can’t be trusted with spray bottles — be glad I don’t wear perfume.

Last week, in desperation, I turned to catalog shopping for something to do and started at L.L. Bean. I had my eye on a soft, warm t-shirt, a sweet little mini-waffle. I picked up the phone, dialed the number, and spoke with a customer service rep named Rose or Louise, something. She asked for the item number, the size and color, told me it was in stock and then asked for my credit card number, the security code, and expiration date. And that’s where things went sideways.

I told her my card would expire in April of 2020 and that I’d surely manage to outlive that, at least. Crickets chirped. Long, l-o-n-g seconds passed in a silence so awkward it hurt. ‘I’m not sure I understand,’ Rose or Louise said, sounding alarmed. I started to explain it was a joke, realized it was pointless and apologized, instead. Then she got it. And she laughed. Hard. But it was too late; I was already red-faced and mortified and sweaty.

That uncomfortable exchange is the story of my life and a perfect example of inappropriate, unwise conduct in stressful situations. Please, learn from my mistakes:

1. Don’t tell expiration jokes, no matter how funny they seem, during pandemic outbreaks.
2. Don’t waste money you don’t have on things you don’t need as a form of entertainment.

Yep, you’re welcome.

copyright © 2020 the whirly girl



20 thoughts on “: dumb coping strategies :

  1. I think we’ll all have our stories to share and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one with questionable motives,,,lol… and we have to realize that some just don’t get our special brand of humor

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i keep forgetting other people aren’t in my head with me, they can’t follow the weird, twisted logic (!?). i should know that by now, but no. it’s good to have company in poor judgment :o)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Right,,, and by the same token, I’m best off not to think I know what others are thinking,,, that can bring a boatload of trouble in short order I have found.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. i consider myself lucky if i know what i’m thinking. other people’s thoughts are a deep, deep mystery way beyond my meager ability to understand. i admire their logic and ration, though 😮


  2. We have to do what we have to do…and sometimes humor albeit weak, is one good way to cope…At least you realized the error of your ways! Enjoyed the story!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s so quiet round my way that the crows are having conferences, unharrassed, in the middle of the road. They know something’s up. I think jokes are especially important at this time…laughing boosts your immune system.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ‘… a street of heavy, fast-moving traffic…’? ‘Other than dodging cars…’?? There are still people on the sidewalks! Still enough cars on the street to make dodging them a current task, instead of an exciting or unpleasant memory! Our world keeps surprising me. I sat for about two minutes, fishing for words, and found these: do take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am, believe me. Virtually all the traffic we encounter is cars and trucks, very few people are out and about. That’s the good thing about a midsize city, there’s enough room to allow for social distancing. But even so, covid-19 is here, too. You be safe, too❣️


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