: running on empty :


I woke up this morning exhausted after nine hours of something that wasn’t sleep. There was nothing refreshing about it, nothing restorative. It was all bad dreams and worrisome thoughts, tossing and turning. But that’s what the double whammy of a wildly spreading contagion + corrupt government does to you: it upends your life. 

Somewhere in all the melee I lost my motivation to care. About anything. I don’t care how I look. I don’t care if I’m clean or what I wear or how I sound or if my shoes are on the right feet. I’ve stopped tucking my shirts in and sticking down cowlicks and watching my language. Manners and dignity went by the wayside, too. Burping is my new sport. 

In the old days, I was neurotic about order and tidiness. Now? Not so much. Mountains of laundry threaten to smother me in an avalanche of t-shirts and shorts and socks. The floor is more dog hair than carpet and the upholstery is practically mohair.  I stopped dusting and vacuuming in, when was it, April, maybe? I’ve kept up with the dishes, though, and the right angles and rows are still as close to perfect as I can make them— albeit dusty and furry.

But you know what else I lost in all the chaos? I’ve lost the funny. I lost clever and witty, too. I even lost the desire to try. The truth is, my head is hollowed out and it’s scary. Before, I thought it was fun to sit at my computer and work on ideas, build weird little worlds out of words. That enthusiasm has vanished and I miss it like an arm. I wish I knew how to restore it, but I don’t. 

So my apologies to you. I’m hoping for a miracle, of course, but there’s just no guarantee, is there? It could happen, though. And I’m standing by with my fingers, eyes, and legs crossed and a butterfly net to catch any wayward ideas that might fly by. 

copyright © 2020 the whirly girl

14 Responses to “: running on empty :”

  1. aintwegotitmade

    These feelings are not at all surprising and I think they’re being experienced by many….although some don’t have mountains of laundry cos they’ve been wearing the same t-shirt for weeks! The Real Whirly Girl is still there somewhere…and we will still be here when you come back.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. stoneyfish

    I love the phrase “build weird little worlds out of words”. That’s just what bloggers do. And you still do it so well.

    Hang on in there, Whirly. The Muse will return someday, probably when you least expect it. I just hope it doesn’t come from another headline dive onto the sidewalk off one of those banana skins you are so adept at stepping on. 🤞

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • the whirly girl

      🤣 me, too, since i’m finally scab-free, which is nice. but it is fun meeting new people — you know, the ones who help me up. they’re so friendly.

      like you, my witty friend❣️ don’t give up on me yet.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  3. Straddle the Turtle

    There’s just too much to bear right now. Even Michele Obama admits she’s suffering a low grade depression from it all. Did you catch that in recent news? I love that she fessed up, because it helps me (a weakling) to know that even the strong & super-capable deem this time as way too much 😫

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • the whirly girl

      i envy her, she’s so well-adjusted. my strategy was to wash three loads of laundry, change the bedding, do some dusting, and then reward myself with a peach pie and a pizza. i’m still worried and sad and pissed off, but i’m too full to care. this may become my new coping mechanism :o)

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  4. SilkPurseProductions

    Except for the fact that the hair is mine and not a dogs we are living in the same place. By the sounds of the comments we aren’t alone. I’m not sure that makes it any better.

    Like

    Reply
  5. shruti502

    Hello!Sending more power to your butterfly net, hoping it works at its best ability to catch your ideas. Sending warm wishes. Stay safe.

    Like

    Reply

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