By a surprise attack from Barnes & Noble. One I never saw coming.
Here’s how it went down:
After donating blood yesterday, I decided to reward myself with a new book and a caramel macchiato. It wasn’t exactly a snap decision. I debated against it vigorously, pointing out a number of things I need more than another book. But I was so proud of having enough iron in my blood and acceptable blood pressure numbers that I felt I deserved to celebrate a little. Besides, the book I wanted most was a kid’s book. They’re pleasantly affordable, or so I told me.
So off I went. With a smile on my face and a song in my heart.
The parking lot was unusually chaotic for late on a Sunday afternoon, which should’ve set off alarm bells or served as a clue, but it didn’t.. So I parked the car, hopped out, swaggered through the doors, and KAPOW! I was gobsmacked by signs screaming, 50% Off All Hardback Books. They were everywhere I looked: New Releases, Science, Bestsellers, Business, Non-Fiction, Kid’s, Current Affairs, Graphic Novels, everywhere! 50% OFF!
I went weak in the knees. My ears rang. My mouth went dry. And my head swam with possibilities. I should’ve run, but I stayed and bought 3 new books. Formerly expensive ones, now reasonably priced. I hustled back to the car with a bulging bag and a huge, steaming coffee. I was high as a kite, buzzed with the unbridled glee of a successful burglar.
I sat behind the wheel, key in hand, not starting the motor. I wanted to, a lot, but I suffered a complete relapse and went charging back in. For two books I’d left behind. I felt like a Marine, returning to the field to rescue my buddies. That’s what books are, you know: pals. And hiding places. Comfort. Filled with wisdom. Heck, they’re spaceships between two covers. How can anyone resist them?
I can’t, but I’m a spineless weakling. In the face of temptation, I put my hands up and cave in. Bookstores know this all too well. Dammit.
Today, thank goodness, guilt and reality have set in. They’re my motivation to stay home (amid tall, wobbly stacks of books waiting to bury me) and away from Barnes & Noble, where the sale continues unabated. Pray for me.
Oh, I better add a head’s up and sincere apologies to the State of Illinois. My license plate renewal fee will be arriving late. Sorry. Please don’t arrest me.
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