By a surprise attack from Barnes & Noble. One I never saw coming.
Here’s how it went down:
After donating blood yesterday, I decided to reward myself with a new book and a caramel macchiato. It wasn’t exactly a snap decision. I debated against it vigorously, pointing out a number of things I need more than another book. But I was so proud of having enough iron in my blood and acceptable blood pressure numbers that I felt I deserved to celebrate a little. Besides, the book I wanted most was a kid’s book. They’re pleasantly affordable, or so I told me.
So off I went. With a smile on my face and a song in my heart.
The parking lot was unusually chaotic for late on a Sunday afternoon, which should’ve set off alarm bells or served as a clue, but it didn’t.. So I parked the car, hopped out, swaggered through the doors, and KAPOW! I was gobsmacked by signs screaming, 50% Off All Hardback Books. They were everywhere I looked: New Releases, Science, Bestsellers, Business, Non-Fiction, Kid’s, Current Affairs, Graphic Novels, everywhere! 50% OFF!
I went weak in the knees. My ears rang. My mouth went dry. And my head swam with possibilities. I should’ve run, but I stayed and bought 3 new books. Formerly expensive ones, now reasonably priced. I hustled back to the car with a bulging bag and a huge, steaming coffee. I was high as a kite, buzzed with the unbridled glee of a successful burglar.
I sat behind the wheel, key in hand, not starting the motor. I wanted to, a lot, but I suffered a complete relapse and went charging back in. For two books I’d left behind. I felt like a Marine, returning to the field to rescue my buddies. That’s what books are, you know: pals. And hiding places. Comfort. Filled with wisdom. Heck, they’re spaceships between two covers. How can anyone resist them?
I can’t, but I’m a spineless weakling. In the face of temptation, I put my hands up and cave in. Bookstores know this all too well. Dammit.
Today, thank goodness, guilt and reality have set in. They’re my motivation to stay home (amid tall, wobbly stacks of books waiting to bury me) and away from Barnes & Noble, where the sale continues unabated. Pray for me.
Oh, I better add a head’s up and sincere apologies to the State of Illinois. My license plate renewal fee will be arriving late. Sorry. Please don’t arrest me.
copyright © 2021 the whirly girl
the whirly girl 
20 responses to “: ambushed :”
Christ, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen such lively and excellent writing! Turning a more or less “tame” situation into something exciting and hilarious. Well done, I’m impressed.
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Okay, that one’s going straight into the Comment Hall of Fame! Thank you for ending a pretty dreary year on such a happy note 🥳
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Haha glad to hear that I made this bad year a bit better for you! It’s been a tough one but hey, let’s all hope 2022 is better!
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Hoping away here, all fingers and eyes are crossed! And good luck to us all :o)
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I understand, totally 📚 📚 📚
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You know, I thought you might 🙃
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You have the strength and will power of a super hero! I would have just backed up my care and loaded the trunk. Who needs grocery money? I will feed my soul with books. Who needs to pay the rent? I will build a fortress with my books. Seriously, it is a good thing we do not have Barnes & Noble here or I would have been out the door before I finished reading your post.
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hahahahaha! You’re my hero❣️Fortunately, it’s the end of the month, my bank account is far too depleted to allow that kind of spree. I did all the damage my balance allowed, though :o)
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I totally understand this. I have books everywhere here. That’s part of the reason I am still not settled yet. Need book storage. Would love to know more about the book that took you months to read.
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Mrs. March. Terrific premise, really awful execution (in my opinion).
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I just read a review on that. I would love to read it, now.
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i fell for the reviews, too. good luck.
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I love the way you write, awesome!😀
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This one kind of wrote itself, to be honest. I love it when that happens. I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
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Lol, here I am again, telling you how much I love your writing voice. Even this simple trip to Barnes & Noble (whose offers would’ve totally caught me unawares too) was such a treat to read. Keep writing!
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Me again, telling you how much I absolutely love your visits! You make it all worthwhile. Thank you :o)
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Extraordinary, Cheers 🥂
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You made my day, thank you :o)
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My reading pile contains 3 books: Hail Mary by Andy Weir, Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro and Rationality by Steven Pinker. At the rate I read that will last me until the autumn. If the reviews are anything to go by I shall be entertained, thoughtfully provoked and thoroughly lectured. I’m really looking forward to it!
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My stack is more than 2 feet tall. How quickly i get through it depends entirely on if I made good choices or not. I just finished one that was so bad it took me a couple months to plow through it. You’ll have better luck, I’m sure.
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