Well, never again. Here are enough witticisms and snappy retorts to last a lifetime. Keep one on hand at all times and become a delightful and sought after conversationalist. Useful for any occasion, everything from elevator rides to cocktail parties.

> “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey
> “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” — Helen Keller
> “Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.”
— Robert Benchley
> “Me fail English? That’s unpossible.”– Ralph Wiggum (The Simpsons)
> “Creativity takes courage.” — Henri Matisse
> “Never put a sock in the toaster.” — Eddie Izzard
> “A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.”
— Steven Wright
> “You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel.” — Homer Simpson
> “Dooby, dooby, doo.” — Frank Sinatra
> “The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost.”
— Bennett Cerf
> “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
> “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” — Dr. Seuss
> “Tie your shoes, pack a good lunch, and remember we’re all in this together.”
— Public school poster
> “To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” — Audrey Hepburn

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