• Morning people make the rest of us look bad.

    They’re so perky and cheerful and alert. They get to the office early all smiles and good mornings, the rest of us stumble in and can’t even find our desks. Hell, I’m really not awake until early afternoon, when they’re starting to flag. By five o’clock they’re the walking dead and we’re just hitting our…

  • : pursuing ignorance for the bliss :

    Remember what it was like to know it all? Well, I’ve reached a point where the less I know the happier I am. Not only have I quit seeking knowledge, I avoid it. I’ve stopped asking questions, stopped watching the news, I don’t Google or engage in Googling. I’ve even mastered techniques to change subjects…

  • The secret to winning arguments.

    At any given moment millions of people are engaged in millions of arguments. Husbands vs. wives. Neighbor vs. neighbor. Cable company vs. cable subscriber. Some of them are winning, others are losing, all of them are getting worked up. Why? Why do people pick fights? Why does it matter to us when someone has a…

  • Why don’t I like Toyotas?

    There’s the name, for starters. Sounds like something from Fisher-Price, doesn’t it? Toyota. Then there’s the missing leg room. I’m 5’7”, not a giant by any standards, except Toyota’s. The front seat is pushed back as far as it can go and my knees are still under my chin. Then there are the headlights. In…

  • What’s in the refrigerator?

    As the Rice Krispies snapped, crackled, and popped cheerfully in my cereal bowl I noticed a strange scent. Not musty, not decaying, strange. I sniffed. What was it? Another sniff. Was my neighbor getting a home perm? Shrugging, I returned to my Rice Krispies untroubled. The following afternoon, as I watched Calendar Girls, there it…