: if I should die before I wake :
Good luck, because I haven’t prepared. There’s no last will and testament, no burial instructions, no poignant, heart-rending farewell, no nothing. It’s all loose ends and…
: I want a nobel :
Nominate me. The loser Norwegian Nobel Committee won’t let me nominate myself. I tried twice; once in 2017 and again in 2018. You know what they…
: today I am rich :
Me. Rich. This is not a joke. I’ve amassed a big, fat, disgusting fortune by scrimping and saving whenever and wherever I could. With careful budgeting,…
: can someone explain the super bowl to me? :
I know, it’s a football game. A weird, lopsided ball and a bunch of guys in helmets and pads knocking each other down. Touchdowns and end…
: send degrees :
It’s colder in Illinois than in Antarctica. Since I don’t expect you to believe me, I’ve provided proof. ↑ There, see? ↑ Those are real time screen…
: a policy change :
When I woke up yesterday, it was 6º below zero. I opened the drapes and looked out on chimneys and floaty plumes of steam, crusty snow,…
